a step further

2011-12-08T23:13:00.001+08:00

And All My Life, I Pray for Someone Like You.

Recital and more

2011-12-04T21:50:00.004+08:00

I've been too busy to blog. Kinda sad with life. There's too much too do but too little time. Everything is piling up and i don't know how to handle it. I just pretend everything is fine. Praying and hoping everything would be.

On the bright side, O School Recital 2011 was recently just over. #rd Recital this year, it's kinda different without people like Diana, but that's okay. I met new people, although i don't find the experience amazingly as good as last year but its alright. Big thanks to Wei jie and Ben for letting me in the item 3rd year running, always learnt a lot from you guys(: Thanks to Team Taiqi for tolerating my busy schedule, all of you are amazing poppers. Thanks to all my friends that came down to support, even saw some unexpected people. Lazy to post so many photos. So just few below(:

Next up: Projects, Tests and hell lot more.

Ultimate Overdue

2011-11-06T01:54:00.005+08:00

Month of October! Link(Elite Force Crew) came to Singapore for Money In The Cap 2, it was really great to see him and to take his class. Learnt a lot more about hip hop.

Had my last Pol-ITE reppin' TP, injured my leg so didnt do as well as i wanted individually. But, as a team, i think TP Sprints did pretty good. The girls won 4x100m and 4x400m again. As usual, 4x400m was hell tiring. It was also great seeing all the SSP people(:

So here are some photos!

Link!

Love the SSP girls(:

TP Sprints!

Bowl~

The start of hell

2011-11-04T19:30:00.001+08:00

School started already! Hectic hectic last semester. Second week of school and I'm going crazy. Two reports and one test in two weeks. To add on, I've got recital performances and practices, not to forget track training. But I'm not giving up yet(thank you Marcus for the encouragement, you probably won't read this)

GENTING HIGHLANDS with 1K05

2011-10-18T01:37:00.004+08:00

Genting looks the same as it was, there wasn't a lot to do but, i had a great time with great people(:

5 months, the aftermath

2011-08-26T16:49:00.003+08:00

Nothing much.

2011-06-19T21:56:00.003+08:00

You're not sure that you love me

But you're not sure enough to let me go

Baby it ain't fair, you know

To just keep me hanging 'round

You say you don't want to hurt me

Don't want to see my tears

So why are you still standing here

Just watching me drown?

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine

Don't worry about this heart of mine

Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say

You're gonna break my heart anyway

So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache

Baby you can make it quick

Really get it over with

And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself

With this mess you left for me

I can clean it up, you see

Just as long as you're gone

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine

Don't worry about this heart of mine

Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say

You're gonna break my heart anyway

So just leave the pieces when you go

You're not making up your mind

It's killing me and wasting time

I need so much more than that

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine

Don't worry about this heart of mine

Just take your love and hit the road

There's nothing you can do or say

You're gonna break my heart anyway

So just leave the pieces when you go

Leave the pieces when you go

Oh yeah, leave the pieces when you go

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah

Leave the pieces when you go

Plain and simple

2011-06-07T23:34:00.005+08:00

Life is probably the hardest thing I have to go through.

Consist of happiest,sadness,pain and laughter.

Emotions come at the most unexpected moments.

The more you want to run away from it.

The more it comes.

The thing is, sometimes you already see it coming.

A lot of times, I pray for someone to share life with me.

Apparently, I don't see it happening at all.

Maybe it never will.

And all I can say is "oh well"

But, in my heart all I know is "alone"

Pretending to be nonchalant all the time.

Inside, I know everything is messed up.

All I know is, this is life for me.

lost in direction

2011-05-29T01:51:00.002+08:00

Late updates once more.

Dance Meet Funk Session and Workshop is over two weeks ago.
Awesome awesome. that's all i've got to say. Partly, cause i'm lazy.

Last An An's item performance was at graduation. I'm gonna miss them!(: All of them are such amazing dancers in their own ways, honoured to have danced with them.

This weekend is filled with birthday parties.

Update soon yeah(:

pop one of these

2011-05-08T23:20:00.002+08:00

CDM meeting is over and well, i think i better note down some stuff to help with my SIP report later on.

Day 0: OT day. Did publications for CDMs. Print handouts which consists of presentation slides and pictures.

Day 1: OT day again. Did publications for CDMs. Print handouts of day 2 which consists of presentation slides and pictures. Started burning CDs too.

Day 2: Burn CDs and manage to attend part of the CDM meeting. ASEAN delegates are friendly with each other and the meeting was rather smooth.

Day 3: did transport timings from games village to competition venue. As requested by CDMs from other countries.

Learning points?
Planning is important. Anticipation and forecasting of the unknown need to be done, so that any situation that occur can be solved easily. Precautions can also be taken before hand.
Learnt how to properly format and burn a CD.
Like BESE, first impression is important. Even handouts must look good when giving it to important people overseas.
Segregation of duties must be clearly done so that gaps and overlapping of them would not occur.

end of that.

Saturday i went Fuyo Warm up party. had fun!(: happy to see Louis, Brendan and Yi zheng pop! they are all so crazy!:D Met new friends too(: happy day!

Today was a simple day but enjoyable one with friends.
Really happy to see Dickson and nessa today!
i miss the ssp pioneers and my batch a lot!(:
hope we see each other again soon!:D

marching on

2011-05-04T23:00:00.003+08:00

It's been one month plus of attachment/internship at CCAB. Things has been going alright. I guess I'm starting to get the hang of things, but been rather distracted lately so i messed up quite a bit too.

Anyway, some updates from the past two weeks:
Started Popping again so i was really happy i get to session last week with KS, Yi Zheng, Lionel, Waihoe, Alvin etc. It was really fun(:

TPDE auditions, can't wait to see the new batch of juniors. Got to session with TPDE again. So learnt a lot yeap.

Get Down Vol. 4. This year everyone got stronger, so i'm really happy for everyone. I really sucked this year. The moment I went on stage i know everything felt wrong. Been super down ever since. As much as I pretend to smile and be happy, something inside my heart just doesn't feel right. The thing is, I'm not unhappy or sad about not getting through auditions. I'm not angry at anything. Just that I don't know why, everytime I think about dance and music now, i just feel something hurting in my heart, just pain. And it makes it hard to even breathe. Sigh, don't even wanna think about it. But now, everyday i question myself, can i really dance? Am i a dancer? Do i even belong here?
Maybe that's why people have status quo, people should be where they belong to and not try something new. Track has been my whole life and I know it. It is one of the best things that happened to me because it brought me to where I am and everything I learnt from it made me who I am.

Fuck all that.

MX got her car already cool or what, now we can go a lot of places woohoo. haha. take advantage!

And last part of my update today, cause i simply have no idea what to say anymore.

Happy birthday Mum, doubt you'll ever read this.
But, I know I was never the best daughter you can have. I know I have a lot of angsty moments and I know I haven't been treating you the way you should be. Thank you for all your care and concern as much as I hate it when you nag but, i know you care. Our little household changed a lot since I was a kid, now things are so different from back then and I miss all the quality times we could spent. Now we hardly have time for each other, and the home doesn't feel like a home anymore. But whatever happens, you know I love you mum. Without you, I probably wouldn't be where I am. Thank you for trusting me in all the decisions i make, and giving me freedom to do what i want, never stopping me from the things i love doing. I will work hard for my last year in poly. May you have a good life for as long as you live. love ya mum.

2011-04-23T01:58:00.001+08:00

believe

2011-04-10T02:16:00.002+08:00

It's because of you girls, I learnt to pick myself up each time I fall. I learnt to face all situations with a stronger heart. I learnt to be determine in everything that I do. I learnt to be happier even when I'm angry with a situation. I learnt to trust people once again. I learnt to control my temper. I learnt to believe in myself and that everything is gonna be alright. I learnt a lot and I know I will continue learning. Days are always simple, but you girls make a day the best it could be. I like it that way. Years down the road, i hope nothing will ever change.

what about now

2011-04-07T09:28:00.007+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Just didnt have the time to do it and the mood.I started my internship recently, so it's been rather tiring. It's gonna be a 5 days work week for the next 5 months for me. Well, i'm trying to make the best out of it! I mean who likes working right. In this 5 months, i'm probably gonna miss out on a lot of stuff but I don't have a choice right.

Anyway, other than internship GEM 6: Celebrate Life, Celebrate Dance was just over. There were a lot of problems, good times and bad times during the whole preparation period. But, I learnt from it. I became stronger and I'm glad I managed to perform in GEM 6 at least. It was a meaningful experience for me and every single item really touched my heart. The finale when the video was played and we get to shine the lights was just awesome. I can feel something in my heart I can feel it symbolizes something. I don't know what it is but, i feel it.

A lot of crying this year cause I know that some way or another whatever Ryan and An An said, or whatever items you were in, relates to each and every person out there. Whatever Ryan and An An said during choreographers' talk really made everyone cried. Choreographers, we know we worked really hard to make it work and i'm glad we didn't give up(: I'm inspired by every single one of you in TPDE especially people who are closer to me. I've seen you guys grow and improve as a dancer and I'm really happy to see the club slowly growing. It has been one memorable GEM. Even the alumnis came back, not only did they dance they inspired the whole club and gave everyone an extra reason to dance.

This GEM taught me a lot as a dancer and as a person. I think I am stronger now and because of the theme of this concert I realize that there are people out there who are unfortunate in a lot of ways, but they can and have chosen to live life better. Why can't I do the same.

Nick Vujicic: It is scary to know how many people are just angry at lives because of their situation. It's a wakening call, it is time to try to make your own life better. I'm more motivated to dance now and through this concert, I realize how much I love dance and how much i'm willing to fight for it. Thank you everyone who helped me pull through all the nightmares of my life. I am grateful for it. I hope everyone would keep dancing in TPDE because all of you are amazing in your own ways.

Like I said before, I don't know how long i would dance for, i don't know how much i would improve, but i guess it's the moment right here and now that matters.

My crazy popping item(: Thank you for putting effort, thank you for the whole experience cause you guys never fail to brighten up my day the moment you guys dance. You guys have improved a lot and I really hope we would get a chance to work together again. I will always remember the 11 of you + Diana. much love(: We have stuck together for about two years. Each and everyone of you have inspired in your own little ways. All of you are amazing at what you do and I am grateful to have the bunch of you in my life. You guys are the people who keep pushing me to not give up and to keep dancing. Without you guys, I won't be dancing today and I wouldn't be where I am right now. So thank you for everything, much love my bros and sistas(: An's Kidz! Although we didn't train very long together, I can feel each and everyone of you while dancing the item.Every single one of us were just having fun and enjoying ourselves. Somehow, maybe we've got a chemistry. Even though it was only two official trainings but, I really enjoyed myself and I really love dancing with the 8 of you(: All of you are crazy dancers and I have learnt a lot from each and everyone of you. I hope we would share the stage once again. Much love(:

Finally, Thank you everyone who came to watch GEM 6 or in your own ways attempted to support us. Without you guys, we would be performing to empty chairs. I hope all of you got inspired too(:

I haven't been training for track so I need to somehow make time for it. I miss my girls and the crazy sprints group very much. K, I know you're having a rough time right now, sorry I can't meet you as often as I would like to. But, I want you to be strong and I know you are. It's just a matter of time before you can laugh like you've never been wounded. Hope you'll be fine soon. Love ya.

House session tonight(:

it's not the last of me

2011-03-17T00:56:00.002+08:00

I thought everything was becoming better, i thought i could do this. But I think, who confirm? Everything feels like it's falling apart. Now it isn't about choosing, it isn't about which one to go. It's just giving me a chance to go for it. I want it and i worked for it, to find out that i can't go for it? Feels like the most ridiculous reason. So many things happening and i somehow don't know how to handle it. I guess i've been through worst than this. But, there is only so much a person can take, I am human too. As much as i am determined, as much as i can strong. I am still a person. I'm just hoping for the best. i still believe Hope replenishes the heart. I'll find something to Hope about. I believe i can do better.

2011-03-07T01:57:00.002+08:00

Been dancing and dancing, loving each moment of it even more. Good moments don't always last though, something would just come along and spoil everything. I wish good times last longer. Sigh. I guess my life is kinda sad in that way. There's a lot of things i wish i didn't have to do, but in reality i don't really have choice.

Just wishing life was way more simpler.

dotted lines

2011-02-24T23:26:00.001+08:00

A word's just a word, till you mean what you say.

it was simply a frustrating day.

Nerding

2011-02-23T00:26:00.006+08:00

Study week. It's freaking boring. Look at my accounting book, it's like 13 chapters worth of stuff. I haven't even start on M.I.C.E. Don't feel like studying but i need to save my GPA. It's on the verge of dying. Actually, it is screwed up this semester already, just trying to reduce the damage. Hate this semester, really like wtf. The subject that i thought i was gonna hate the most, is the subject that help me the most and i apparently love the most; SSM! I suck at exams, my brain capacity is so limited, i can't memorize stuff. I only can deal with application stuff. So how the hell am i suppose to ace my exams. I need Jason's brain cells for accounting!

Anyway, meeting K/MX later to study at Woodlands. Need to study like a nerdy dude.And..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIALING, NAUFAL & ZHAN WEN((:

Ends.

2011-02-16T21:18:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since i updated! I've been busy, as usual.

Chinese New Year wasn't the best that i had, but it was a great gathering with my friends. Manage to meet up with the 4B people at Paul's house. As usual, Paul's house is still huge even though he shifted.

My birthday came and went, it wasn't a big celebration this year. I pre celebrated my birthday on a Sunday with the awesome track girls! love y'all and thanks for all the presents! Without them, i wouldn't be where i am today(: On the actual day, i had bese test. Gosh. My mum bought me a cake when i went home after i ended school at 6pm. The worst was that i slept at 430AM, rushing submission the next day. What a sucky birthday huh. haha

Tuesday, just had my last week for SSM! Project execution was better than expected although it wasn't perfect! but we all tried!(: It's kinda a mixed emotion when SSM ended, like what Mr Goh said. I hate waking up at 430AM in the morning, but nevertheless i enjoyed learning a lot of stuff from SSM. As much as i might not go into the F&B industry, but i thought it was great learning more about it. I would really miss the experience though(:

Thank goodness i passed BESE. Not a fantastic grade, but at least i didn't fail. Comforting to know that.

CNY 2011

2011-02-04T23:06:00.000+08:00

GONG XI FA CAI, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Every chinese new year, it's the same old thing. This year, i kinda enjoy it lesser maybe cause of school. Nevertheless, i still had a pretty good time playing cards. With kids running around the house, noise. However, it is a rather busy chinese new year with all the upcoming submissions and stuff. Seriously, kill me.

Birthday is coming, and seriously wrong time and day. Don't feel like celebrating this year. But, hey i only get to be 19 once, why not. It's gonna be a sucky day though. Sigh. It's just my luck huh.

Shall update soon. Toodles

POL-ITE Day 2

2011-01-30T23:35:00.003+08:00

Day 2 of POL-ITE ended! can't believe it finished so fast. Today was a day with a lot of ups and downs.

The day started with the rain, well actually it rained since the previous day and never stopped. Rain is the worst thing you can have for a track competition, all it does is spoil the mood and make your muscles cool, it gives you wet tracks, makes your shoes sell really bad and the worst part is delays.

Secondly, i receive messages on things which i seriously would not want to think about on my competition day. Felt like my whole world fell on me on my way to Bukit Gombak, thank goodness i manage to snap myself out of it and pull myself together.

Today the only event MX, Hills and myself had to run was 4by400m along with Divya who is a 400m runner. Stupid 400m which is so tiring. Sadly there's only 4 girls so i have no choice but to run. The weather was cold and harsh. Surprisingly, it stopped raining for 4by400m but it was still cold and wet. So breathing was a big problem and plus i was nervous it made things worst. I was the first runner so i ran and survived 400m after pacing my 200m and dying last 200m. the rest helped to pull the gap, so we manage to get first and broke the record! woohoo! surprise that we even got the gold! Well done to Divya, who got gold for individual 400m(:

We broke the record for 4by100m too! i had a great time this pol-ite! well done to every one whether you got a medal or not! in some ways, all of you made this meet really awesome! Loads of fun and laughter! I would really miss making friends with other poly people!

Back to school tomorrow, with loads of stress. Sigh what should i do.

POL-ITE

2011-01-29T23:58:00.002+08:00

Today was Day 1 of POL-ITE! I did better than i expected. I thought I would not even qualify for finals for 100m, but I did! I manage to fight my way from 7th to 4th. The sad thing is that I could have got a medal if I hold on for the remaining 5 metres. Oh well, it's something that I can learn from. I think lane 1 works wonders for me(:

TP won 4 by 100m girls though! At least i got one medal from there!

Tomorrow 4 by 400m -.-

It's my first time running pol-ite, and i think somehow i'm more motivated for it than i used to. I know i'm still not in my top form. but i'm trying!

Okay, shall update again soon!(:

Juste Debout 2011

2011-01-24T23:27:00.001+08:00

It's been a crazy week, project submissions after submissions. To add on to the misery, there's presentations, test and trainings (track/dance). I never thought i would make it through the past two weeks but, apparently i did. I shocked myself. I survived! It was so tough, i thought i would go crazy. It was hell stressful. I probably wouldn't do well for studies this semester, i can feel it cause my projects and test all seems like a big mess. But, it's okay i know i tried. Sigh. There goes my GPA!

Apart from all the misery, I had a great weekend! 22nd and 23rd January.
Juste Debout Singapore!!

I can't believe i even took part! Big THANK YOU to Mr Tan Zhiming for bringing it to Singapore. Without you, dancers in Singapore would never get a chance like this!
Thanks to Marcus Leong for being my partner!! Next up, Floor The Love!:D
Thanks to everyone from overseas and locally for the great experience. New Friends!
Last but not least, the judges for sharing the knowledge and passion with all of us!
Legend, Terry, Khan and Meech(:

I'm more motivated to dance, I'll miss all the fun times like this, always(:

2011-01-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

School has started, as much as i hate it,life goes on. Schedule is crazy as usual, especially for the upcoming two months. I don't feel like facing it or thinking about it, but i have to. That's the sad thing about life. Anyway, BESE and MICE has been submitted left TCS project, which my group has not started at all. It's going to be a rush, it's going to be ultimate fatigue, but i think i'll get through it.

The weekend was pretty good. Danzation 2011. Although i don't think it was crazily awesome, but i can see everyone's hardwork and i certainly enjoy watching. So great job to the 9 external crews and NRA(: I love MJ's item! After Danzation, got dragged to a birthday celebration by Andy, as much as i didn't wanna go, i went anyway. I'm happy that i decided to go because i really enjoyed myself(: Ate at Spize, River Valley Road. The food was rather expensive, but it was good. Happy birthday Luqman and Winson! I really had fun, reached home at 3AM 0.0

The thought of every upcoming week is simply fear and sadness. sigh.

2011

2010-12-31T01:30:00.006+08:00

Thank you guys for being part of my life, it means a lot to me.

There are others but no photos. Sorry.

Every year, at this very time, I'll be doing the same thing. Typing out my resolutions for the coming year and reflections for the past year. Most of the time, I feel rather good doing it because it helps me to know I'm still me.

So 2010 has been probably one of the toughest years of my life because I had to cope with so many things. Track, Dance and Studies. It has never been easy making decisions, but it is even harder when you have to do it all the time. I know it's going to get much harder from here, but i'm going to try and make it work somehow.I know i'm not superwoman or God, but whatever stuff i do, i'm going to give my best. I can't believe 2010 is coming to an end, although it doesn't feel like much difference. Somehow many events in 2010 definitely made an impact in my life and I'll definitely remember for the rest of my life. The most significant one is definitely O school Recital, I like how our item bonded, i miss all the retarded moments we had during trainings and sessions. i miss all the fun! I never regret being in this item. Hope we get to perform together again! zombies!(: In addition, I love TP Sprints Team, our bond is rather stronger maybe cause we knew each other for quite some time. I really love the crazy jokes we make after training and i know it won't stop, so that's great! Let's take revenge for POL-ITE Games. Despite all these good memories, the thing is a lot of people don't know or actually no one really knows what i'm thinking at all. I laugh, i joke, i smile but, throughout the whole 2010, all i have in me was mainly fear. I'm afraid of my very own life, my very own schedule and my strength. I'm afraid because i don't know if i would be able to cope, every single day while doing one thing, at the back of my mind i have to worry about the other. I'm afraid of clashes, afraid of what I cannot attend, afraid that i would not be able to make it work. I've given so much up, especially social life just to do these things that i want to do. I always wonder if i made the right decisions because i'm only young once. I always thought i was strong, until the day before i flew to Sydney i fell sick and fainted in my own home. That was the first time i fainted and that was when i realize how vulnerable i could be. The feeling of fainting was scary, i was walking and i couldn't see anything,everything suddenly turned pitch dark and i couldn't feel my legs, i just fell to the ground not knowing whether i hit my head or anything. I just laid there wondering if i'm still alive. I'm afraid that one day i get so tired and just faint on the streets, not being able to get home. I'm afraid of losing myself, afraid of not knowing where i'm going and what i'm gonna do next. This whole 2010 has been like that for me. Simply fear and a little bit of happiness.

As much as i hope 2011 will be a better year for me, apparently its not going to be.
POL-ITE, Juste Debout, GEMS 6 and not to mention my SIP. Apparently they are all happening around the same time, i don't know if it's a prank on me or what. But it is certainly not funny.

I don't know what my 2011 resolutions are, but here goes.
1) cope with everything and not let my gpa drop
2) be happier and less fearful of my life
3) lose weight
4) be a better friend
5) improve in dance
6) be stronger
7) learn to make better decisions

I don't have a proper resolution because everything is just so jumble up now that i don't even know how to face my life, my schedule and everything else. I just hope that i won't lose myself in this crazy life of mine. Cause i feel like i am. I hardly know what kind of person am i. So many things are happening and i don't know whether to defend myself or think for others. It's really killing me slowly.

Updates

2010-12-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since i had proper updates been way too lazy and busy to do so.
So what's up?

Foreign Bodies production on the 18th was dope shit!
I love the whole thing! Funk items plus the hip hop items was dope shit!
I hope GEMS is as good as this

And of course,
Christmas! woohoo!
It's the 4th day of Christmas, 8 more days to go.
On Christmas eve, i'm proud to say i did my track training!
At night, even though i was lazy i made my way to sportsmen bar to chill.
Sat there and listen to the live band, looking at old timers dance.
Christmas day i went to watch SYDC concert, their dance was really good(:
Christmas dinner at Baystreet 21 at IMM, missed the place! Used to go there every weekend!

It's going to be the end of the holidays, i still have loads to do!
M.I.C.E stuff, U-Art etc.

Having SIP interview this Thursday, hope everything goes well!

laughs

2010-12-23T02:18:00.002+08:00

I can't stop reading Yono's facebook status, it's really too funny.

Here goes, enjoy!

"I know all of you think that Santa Claus is a fat white guy. but trust me he's a skinny black man.Who else can break into your house in the middle of the night without you knowing.

SANTA CLAUS IS A BLACK MAN.- Yono"

frustrations

2010-12-21T00:32:00.002+08:00

You know i really hate the feeling when i treat people nice, like they're my good friends/brothers/sisters. But, after awhile they just leave me hanging and throw me aside.

Is it that difficult to treat someone the way they suppose to be treated?

And I can't believe how much people have changed.

When I thought it was all good, it's probably a facade.

Am I really too nice? because I don't feel that I am.

Someone once told me before I started my poly life:

"You have to stop thinking for others and start thinking for yourself"

I wish I listened, I wish I could do that.

I remember replying that it's just not me to only think for myself because I'm like that.

I want people around me to be happy so that i can be happy to.

Recently, i realize everyone may be happy except me.

I really hate it.

My life is a mess.

The truth is, I dread coming home other than the times i feel like sleeping because i know i'll be alone. I hate it when i look forward to seeing everyone at home but, to only find out that i'm the only one. It's a family that doesn't feel like one. I miss the times in sports school. It feels more like a home to me than my own home.

it's all random thoughts. toodles

2010-12-19T02:58:00.001+08:00

When you get caught in the rain
With no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved

But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is

I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And if you keep falling down, don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close
Don't be afraid, there's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you, you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
As I live once again
And I live one more day
I can make it through the rain
Yes you can
You gonna make it through the rain

movin' on

2010-12-18T00:49:00.002+08:00

Feeling all the fatigue but yet gotta keep pushing on, keep moving. For myself, because no one believed I could cope with so many things at the same time. Just because others have doubts doesn't mean I would just back down. I have my doubts, I don't believe I would be able to make it through one day but, I try my best to make it happen. Each day I succeed, I grow stronger but, somehow much lonelier. Maybe because I'm doing it all alone and I'm the only one in this situation. Nevertheless, everyday all I'm gonna do is keep trying till one day i can't take it any longer. Without track, I probably never would have gain determination at all. In track, no matter how tired we are, we would not just stop but, keep running even if we slow down. Never walk until the end of the run, the most we're reduce to a jog (unless in an emergency). I miss those days where I didn't have to fret about schedules because it is all planned out.

MID SEM WEEK

2010-12-14T01:07:00.002+08:00

LIFE. SCREW YOU.

MID SEM TEST WEEK, I HAVE ONE ACCOUNTING PAPER

AND PROFICIENCY TEST 1. I AM DAMN SCARED.

I HARDLY SHOW IT, BUT I'M FEELING IT.

I JUST WISH DANCE OR TRACK WAS A SUBJECT.

Words

2010-12-11T00:00:00.002+08:00

The crazy weeks are over, for now that is. Life hasn't been great, but i'm surviving. Busy as usual and i'm tired or this life i'm living. The thing is no one really understands. As much people say "anything you can talk to me" or "i'll be there when you need me", it never happens as far as i'm concern. It's just comforting words to say to you, to somehow make you feel better that "hey i've got your back". Initially, it feels good. But, when i think about it, it doesn't, it's all just false hope. The fact is, when people say that they don't mean it. When you're in trouble, they don't really care cause it doesn't concern them. They don't really want to listen to you either, they simply just don't know what to say.

A new week,new stress factors

2010-11-29T15:39:00.003+08:00

It's a monday, not beautiful at all. How i wish it was the holidays where i can just sink into the comforts of my super single bed and not get up. It was a crazy weekend i've got to say. RESEARCH. That is what occupied most of my weekend, other than dance, SIP briefing and watching Megamind that is.

Sidetrack a little, An An taught her recital choreography in class, awesomeeee! but high level of diffculty which i died. SIP breifing was.. well you can picture it like a lecture at 9AM in the morning. Megamind was funny, but i think Kungfu Panda is still the best cartoon movie i've watched.

Anyway, back to research. Tourism,Culture and Society presentation literally sucked the life out of me. It was difficult to find information, the internet literally has no information on Cultural Tourism, let alone the contribution to economic, social and environmental development. I simply elaborate my way through the presentation since my slides were hardly passable with no visuals and case study. I felt like a screwed up case. Thank goodness it's over. Both my individual presentations that is. But, there are many other deadline and crazy things upcoming.

This week:
Tuesday - SSM operations 2nd week
Wednesday- BESE test
Thursday - Understanding Art, Visual journal entry
Friday - Tourism, Culture & Society test

Next Week:
Monday - M.I.C.E test
Tuesday - SSM operations 3rd week
Friday - Tourism, Culture & Society individual assignment due

I feel like just banging my head all the wall and coma for this semester. On top of everything i've listed, don't forget i still have Track and Field training & Dance. So, how am i doing? i am trying to cope with everything right now.

I feel so tired thanks to tourism culture, slept at 2 AM?! and woke up at 6AM. I would never want to do that again. I'm rotting in the lab with Tiffany, Li ling and Edeline, i guess i shall go lecture at 5PM, wanted to give it a miss. But, i shaldn't be a bad kid. I'm skipping track training today though. There goes speed endurance training again. SIGH. I wonder when am i free to do speed endurance training.

TGIF, not really

2010-11-26T16:47:00.002+08:00

It's finally a Friday, the day that everyone is waiting for, but apparently not me. As much as i want to enjoy my weekends and be free like a bird. I have school work and it's urgent. Tourism Culture presentation on Monday and i only have two days to do it. Good luck to me and the other 3 presenters. It's Saturday tomorrow and i have like a 9AM SIP briefing in school, what a start to my Saturday. I miss the times where i could just slack my Saturdays away in town. I'll be in school like almost whole day since i have dance at 330PM. Oh well, hope it's well spent.

I just finished M.I.C.E presentation, thank God it went well, nervous but i survived. I didn't know i was talking to fast. I guess i got to slow the pace down on Monday.
Next week is crazy, there's BESE test and Tourism Culture. Need to mug like crazy. Rahh! Actually, i won't mug, i'm seriously not a mugger. FAIL.

Anyway, i'm happy all this test and presentations are after O school Recital, at least i have lesser things to worry about. I miss O school Recital a lot, like A LOT. It was simply too awesome(: I shall do a special ZOMBIE post soon for all my fellow zombie mates and recital people. I've been busy, now it's my free time before training, that's why i get to blog. But, I promise i'll blog that special post.

As much as i hate this semester, i guess it's a good experience and it's going to test my determination to the maximum. With dance, track and studies. It's gonna be crazy. There's like SSM this module, with a whole lot of difficult subject. Intensive training for Pol-ite and Juste Debout in January. I'm going to die or what. People say "just keep hanging on" But, let me ask, "hang on to what?"

messed up

2010-11-17T23:16:00.002+08:00

how do i cope with everything? I really do not know, i just give it my all and try.I don't know the ending because i never thought about how it would benefit me. All i think about is now, this is all i want and i'm doing it. Everyday i ask myself the same questions even though i've answered them before. I don't know why, but it's the only stuff on my mind. Dance, Track, Studies.I feel like i'm going crazy, friends are the only things keeping me sane.A lot of times i feel like crying, not because i'm sad or anything. I simply can't find the reason to cry at all. I'm so tired of my very own life, the very one that i chose for it to be, i guess i was overly ambitious of what i can do with it. I guess i thought i was superwoman. I'm human, and there's always a limit to strength, no matter how strong my passion is, there's gonna be a day when my body can't keep up with it. I don't know what to do because i hate making choices. To give up one thing, it'll feel like half of me is gone. For now, all i can do is keep going.

School is killing me, Sugarloaf operations start next week!
I don't understand all the subjects i'm taking.

Recital is this weekend, Can't wait. It's probably the only thing i look forward to right now

Track is becoming more intensive.

same old routine

2010-11-14T01:14:00.003+08:00

it's been awhile since i blog
things are back to the same as before
track, dance and study
boring i know
it's tough, but all i've got is two choices
it's either all or nothing.
it's who i am i guess.

Kinda this semester's subject. I miss Sentosa a lot.
Sigh, when will it go away.

been away long time

2010-10-24T23:46:00.004+08:00

It's been awhile since i updated. The whole holiday has been nothing but craziness, being tired and pack schedules. I survived it, and i'm still surviving. I don't know how but i'm trying. So got a few areas i guess i'll touch on to let everyone know what i've been up to.

Community based project

This year it's my batch of TPDE to choreograph for the batch below. I'm in the popping item together with Diana. From 6 to 5 people and busy plans for me and Diana, i'm glad we manage to pull it off. The performance was just over on Wednesday(20th October), and even though it wasn't perfect, it was still a good show. I'm really happy that everyone made a major improvement! It was tough rushing from place to place but, i'm glad i didn't miss the experience. It was truely eye opening and enlightening. Thank you Aloy, Desmond, Huimin, Jaylene, Alvin and Diana for the great 'POPPING' experience!(: keep dancing; people very much! next up GEMS 6!

Australia: Sydney

It's been two years since i left Singapore and travelled. Finally got the chance to get out and see something, i wouldn't miss it for the world. Initially, suppose to go to gold coast but the couldn't get tickets, so changed to Sydney. I'm really happy that MX and her family asked me along. Really grateful and thankful for the trip and the great experience! Wouldn't have want it any other way. Although we didn't play as much like in theme parks, but we did get to see loads of stuff. Luckily the weather was good when we got there! Cooling and nice!
The best thing as that our hotel was so near the city, it's like a 15 minutes walk away from Market Street(their orchard road) Awesome.
Hot chocolate with Marshmallows and breakfast over their are DA' BOMB!
The plane ride was like pretty good too, Qantas ain't that bad!
I manage to watch all the movies i missed out like Eclipse, Grown Ups, Toy Story 3 and The A-Team. Almost watch Hot Tub Time Machine but i was way too tired on the 7 hours flight back. So a short break down:
Day 1: we took a 4 hours flight to Perth for a transfer to the domestic flight at around 2AM we were at Perth. The domestic flight was around 5+AM so went we got to Sydney it was the early afternoon. We did nothing but rest in the hotel and walk around Market Street. I was so tired i slept at 8PM but woke up at 11PM and couldn't sleep the next 3 hours!
Day 2: It was Blue Mountain Day! Had a Blue Mountain tour guide Jim, who picked us a 8AM and called us the 'Singapore 4'. Anyway it's about 2 hours plus drive out of Sydney and same amount of time back. So the whole day was spent at different par of Blue Mountain. The view was amazing, but i'm lazy to pos all the photos up here. shall upload on facebook soon. I never seen any view like that in my life and i'm so glad we got to seethe famous Three Sisters and had two 1 hour mountain hikes. The second one was tiring, thought i was gonna die. but it was a good experience!
Day 3: We went Darling Harbour.We visited the aquarium and wildlife thing, the animals there are simply awesome! We even got to see the Habour Bridge and the famous Sydney Opera House, it was the day we walked a lot! At night, MX's cousing brought us to an awesome pancake place! wooo!
Day 4: Went to Bondi Beach, their beach, sea and sand was great! non stick sand and fresh air with strong winds and good waves! love it! walked around Bondi Junction for a little shopping almost bought a pair of shoes! but no size! gosh, wanted to import but can't find any website that imports it.
Day 5: It was pure shopping day at Market Street! bought a lot of stuff! yay!
Day 6: Had a little time to shop before heading to the airport for a 7 hours Qantas double deck flight back to Singapore!

Track
Been trying to juggle dance and training a lot, thank goodness i manage to squeeze in training. If not i'm so dead. IVP day 1 was today! 100m individual i didn't do good at all, much worst than training 14.06. but i wasn't sad or anything, just felt i couldn't have done better. Something weird happened at my starts so i don't know. It's okay! at least i finished the race, the weather was cold so i kept cooling down with my naturally tight muscles. Relay was pretty good i guess, but when i finish i think i 'busted' my knee somehow, and it hurts really bad now. Hope i do better next week! overall, it was an okay day! i'm not competitive for track anymore, never was perhaps, but i do try my best. Things change over 2 years ya know.Track to me it's not the most important, but i cannot say i don't love running anymore.Cause i know deep down i still do, i just don't have the competition feel that's all. Win or lose to me it's a small matter. I just want to enjoy myself.

Dance
Luckily i didn't neglect dance totally. In O school recital and i didn't regret one bit. So thankful that i'm in popping cause it's really crazy and fun this year! got to work extra hard but i don't mind, it's all for the show right?

So as you can see i don't have much time for a proper social life, i feel sad at times. But the thing that keep me going are the people and they don't stop me because these two things are what i love most. It's my passion and i'm doing what i can to keep it alive. Maybe i should be concentrating on my GPA more, but i'm not neglecting studies either just taking extra effort for the things i want from my life. Toodles update soon! it's a really long update!
By the way, School starts tomorrow and my timetable sucks! really bad!

2010-09-25T23:50:00.001+08:00

I wish i could runaway for awhile

I need to clear my head sometimes

Happy Birthday Divya(:
Thank you for everything over the years.Glad to have you in my life, hope you enjoyed yourself today! Sorry if i'm kinda quiet, no idea why. See ya soon, love ya.

I think over the years, when i closed myself in. I think i'll never learn how to love again. It's difficult to express how i feel verbally because i'm afraid, but not sure what i'm afraid of. Even to my own family, i find it weird to have any conversation related to feelings. I guess i drifted away on my own. Don't know why, but i just did. If i'm ever cold to anyone, i'm sorry but i can't help it sometimes.The thing is, i think i'm drifting further away from everyone, i seem to draw a circle around myself. The only way i feel connected is when i think about the best memories i had, that constantly remind me of me.

2010-09-23T23:08:00.005+08:00

i heard that hope replenishes the heart
it keeps the spirit and soul alive
i hope it does for mine.

After being in 2 CCAs, everyday my life is only track, dance or study. Sometimes i sacrifice all 3 things to hang out with my friends. I listen to my heart and my brain, to do what i think and know that is right. Sometimes, people just don't understand that and try to make things as if it was wrong to skip dance or track. Think about it from my position, it's between something you like doing and can always do it other time; and friends who play the biggest part of my life, without them i would never be where i am right now. Sometimes, choosing dance/track over friends make me feel guilty because they're always there for me and i never seem to be there for them. I know i always try and make time for the things i like and for friends. But if my friends can understand me and encourage me to do the things i like, why can't dance/track do the same when i need time with my friends. Commitment, they say. I do commit, and i am serious when it's trainings, i don't play around and treat it like a joke, at least i respect the training. But, i have my own life, my daily life is not for others to plan. I do take responsibility for things i'm suppose to attend and go for, i try my best to accomodate to everyone's timings, trainings and plans, but when things CLASH, what am i suppose to do huh? tell me. what can i do?
Maybe i just brought it on myself, 2 CCAs. Maybe i'm mad. But, i never hated any trainings, i just hate it when things clash. I don't know if i would let go of one, i don't know what should i do. I don't know how to make things better. I know part of me, are just doing both things, to hold on to some things i don't wish to lose. I think i've changed, a lot. From who i used to be and now, i don't know if it's good or bad.i just hope everyday would be a better day than the day before.Really, because i really don't know where to go from here.

i'm really tired with everything right now.

i guess.

2010-09-20T23:56:00.001+08:00

BBQ on Sunday was alright

Sadly, didn't go Poppin J workshop

I dont know if i made the right choice

but it's okay=]

Today's training was pure relay

The timing was pretty fine.

My hamstring almost died

but i survived.

Hope it's alright soon!

Tomorrow commbase 9AM!

OMG

but excited somehow.

blog soon.

busy

2010-09-18T00:48:00.003+08:00

I've been busy

shall update in details soon.

but the overview goes like this:

1)End of exams, start of holidays

2) House course 2

3) Popping Recitail Training

4) Track trainings

5) TPDE outing but somewhat failed

6) Lockdown

7) Random Party

8) Flying to Australia soon

Got training at 830AM

toodles people.

2010-09-10T23:40:00.003+08:00

I guess this is what i think about everyday,
but i can never seem to find the reason why i held on so long.

For almost 18 years of my life, crude words and the most horrible words a person can ever say about something is thrown at me, in my face everyday i'm living. I try to not think about it, but i guess i don't have to think about it because i already know the words so clearly. Maybe i am already traumatize on the inside, just that i don't show it. When i think about it, i simply go crazy like literally. All i would do to stop it is lie on my bed, hold my head and just cry. It's a sight of me i hate to see. Questioning myself,'am i really that stupid, that dumb, that useless, and i don't even deserve to live?" well, at the back of my head i probably just say "yes". But, my heart just won't back down without a fight. My heart would just tell me to keep going and keep fighting because i'm here for a reason. I'm sick and tired of this world of mine. Some people say it's difficult to act like everything is fine, when the fact that it's not, but i beg to differ. It's simple because as long you don't use your face to show emotions and use ur heart, people won't notice anything because your face would just be neutral. I guess that is how i got by a long time. When everything isn't fine, it's a thunderstorm, i just keep everything inside.

Today, i guess everything being said to me the past 18 years was something that i think i finally believe and the answer is really a 'yes'. In the car, i can stare at a family four, but it is actually a family of three because i can't seem to fit in perfectly anymore; maybe cause of what i have become. Somehow, i imagined a family potrait, with me gettng erased from the photo, but everything would still be fine and okay. At that moment, my heart really hurt and i almost gave my feelings away when i teared, but i held on. The thing is, i hate crying and worst, crying infront of others. The only place i dare to cry, is behind close doors - in my room. I really want to blame the person who are throwing all the words at me, but i can't because he's my family. Maybe he don't see me as a family, but i'm not gonna make myself totally heartless yet. With every blogpost i'm typing recently, i'm tearing. screw my life really. People envy me because of my freedom, the fact is they don't know anything about me. They don't know why i do have this kind of freedom. The fact is i envy everyone else, i can sit with my friends' family and just feel how lucky they are. Every small little detail,just spells happiness. I wish i could say the same for myself. I realise, the best time i ever had was staying in the hostel because i never had to worry about everything else, let alone face them since i was always in school. It was really home to me, everyone was like my family because they really cared.

Why did i hold on so long in the first place? Simply because i don't want to show that i'm weak, i refuse to just give up. As much as i don't know how long i would last, at least i'm trying. The best thing about track is that it trained us to have strong mindset because even if we're so tired we can't stop running and start walking. It's a race we have to finish.

2010-09-09T01:46:00.002+08:00

maybe it's protecting me
maybe it's the only thing that has been there for me
it's the one depicting my feelings and showing me by making me listen

3 down 1 to go.Screwed the first 2, and felt good for the one that i didn't bother to study properly. Ironic, i know. The 2 papers i studied my ass off was the one that i had problems thinking during the exam. Information overload. It's just stupid of me to make myself panic.

After resort ops paper, went home to get dance stuff, with MX accompanying me. Then followed her all the way to the airport to sent her parents of to China. I guess when i look at my own family, i never felt as happy as looking at others. It's been awhile since we all laughed with each other. I guess we have nothing left to say nowadays. Maybe that's when i started walking into my box. I find it difficult to express myself verbally because i'm so used to having everything up in my head and in my heart. I guess it's kinda more comfortable but, sometimes it feels like you're just alone.

Well, moving on.

Had recital training, learnt Ben's choreo today. I think it's pretty awesome and i think popping item is gonna be crazy this year. Well, it always has been. I think i deproved a lot.

I don't know where i belong, track or dance. As much as i'm convinced i'm in both, but sometimes i can't help feeling the left out feeling wherever i go. Not only track and dance, i guess generally it applies everywhere. I don't know where i'm heading and i don't know if i'll get totally outcast or something; i guess i chose this route and life goes on. Actually i know it's normal because i'm always going to have to choose one over the other. Just that i can't help but feeling like this. When i'm in my worst possible mood, i have no one to talk to because no particular person would actually come to my mind. Maybe because no one actually is there for me, i mean i got the best people i could every meet in the whole world, but i guess i won't ring them up because not all of them are listeners. I mean some people are, but well, seldom and they would only found after the situation is blown off. The only place i would runaway to is here. Pathetic? i know. I just like the fact i can type anything, even if people are looking(which hardly anyone reads my blog) i seriously don't give a damn about your thoughts anyway.

emo? you think so? i don't give a damn, call it whatever you want
Life just goes on

words and more words

2010-09-05T22:58:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is the day when everything i've been learning is put to the test. Been studying a lot, whether it is productive.. well that's another thing. Anyway i do hope i retain everything i've been reading. The problem is, i wouldn't know if i remember what i studied until i see the exam paper. So that really is a pain, since it all comes down to the point is either i know or i don't. I do hope everything goes well, and that i would score like alright.No supplementary paper please.

Anyway, putting that aside. Today Sam is flying to USA or he flew already? Not sure what time is his flight. Won't be seeing him in a few years since he's going there to study. I guess i would miss seeing him pop even though i don't really talk to him much, he's pretty nice! Sam probably won't read this, but i'll just type anyway. Sorry can't send you off, got to study for exams D:
All the best over there and keep popping! (:

Good luck to everyone taking exams!

When walls are blocking

2010-08-30T23:21:00.004+08:00

i guess there's a lot on my mind

and i don't know how to say it

somehow i feel like i'm going crazy

can hardly think straight

and i have zero confidence in passing any of my papers

I'm worrying about so many things at one go and

so many things in one small little brain of mine:

1) Examinations - i seriously would want to ace them all

2) Track - competition is coming and i just skipped 1 week of training

3) Dance - I would really want to commit for it and recital is well on it's way. However i'm not confident with my abilities and skill levels at all

4) Family - Every moment i'm living in the house, i feel a wall building up inside. Each day i feel that i have lesser things to say and words are just fading away.

So afraid it'll one day just fall apart.

5) Money - "Money makes the world go round" i don't believe it. but somehow it is an important factor. Is money really everything? does it really decide which path we take and how our lives are gonna be? what our future job is? It's such a waste of talents, when all those talented people are the people who are poor. I don't know how everything is gonna work out in the future. I don't know if i would be able to afford to go to a university. I do hope a miracle would appear for those in need.

Sometimes you can feel so lonely inside, but yet be so busy out there.

This feeling really just makes your heart ache.

But it doesn't kill you, so just hope it makes you stronger.

I don't fear loneliness, because maybe i'm getting used to it

I don't know if i would be lonely the rest of my life

I don't know if i would every find someone.

but life goes on, i just gotta live with it.

The only thing i fear and hate is people not listening.

I can talk and sometimes people around just don't hear me.

I don't know why, but it makes me feel scared everytime it happens

So afraid that no one can hear me at all.

When i'm screaming and shouting my lungs out and no one hears me

It feels like i don't exist at all.

When can someone finally see me?

up up and away

2010-08-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

(:
Sho Matsubara; i'm a Japan fan. sorry!

YOG ended last week
as much as i think Singapore is trying too hard
and well the spirit of sports somehow isn't entirely seen.
But i guess YOG wasn't so bad afterall
really admire all the young sporting talents all over the world
it's really amazing what they can do and i hope people see that
this includes local athletes
even though Singapore didn't get much medal, everyone did a great job(:
it's something new and Singapore isn't there for sports yet
probably we'll get there someday, just not yet
yes, the international athletes are hot, i know
but this isn't the reason why they're here
so get over it.
i hope this kinda thing comes to Singapore again
and we get to see world-class athletes once more.

1k05!
Frolicks the way i like it

Friday night has TAS Appreciation Night
Wasn't Great, but it wasn't bad either
eating, performances and dance off in my case
got sabotage to dance off
shorts and barefooted (after taking off my slippers)
this isn't the ideal condition to dance in
nevertheless i survived, and tried to run away
After the whole thing, went to the cathay for Frolicks!
yummy!
wanted to play pool but too expensive; $11/hr
wanted to kbox; $27 or $37/ hr - INSANE
end up the rest watched movie while i take my bus home
Saw a cute guy in NUM :D

Mac and Cheese, Bake Rice and my Quater Chicken(:

Saturday i watched Berlin 36 with Chloe
it's a pretty awesome movie
i really liked it.
Documentary style
and the movie didn't fall below my expectations at all
Really learnt the truth behind the story
really how much we can learn from history
The racism and discrimination against the Jews
were seriously overboard
i wonder how can one person's idealogy get so extreme,
that it can brainwash almost everyone's mind in the country
learnt about courage, determination and friendship
Had Kenny Rogers after that , at Suntec
Yummy!

sometimes i wish people could listen and hear me
sigh

sleepless

2010-08-17T23:15:00.004+08:00

23 hours without sleep
only slept two hours in the afternoon
and i'm still alive.
Barely.

Chalet at Costa Sand Pasir Ris
didn't sleep
played mahjong and talk crap all the way the time i'm suppose to leave
which is 7AM
The sky was amazing when i walking out
the photo is above(:
toko 354 and then the mrt to Bishan to meet D and MX
apparently both late and i was half dead at MacD

Went to Bishan Stadium after all the waiting
great to see the juniors and all the other people.
miss them a lot!
Athletes were amazing
at their age they're doing timings surpassing everyone a few years older
It's crazy but good.
Good job to Team Singapore and Good luck!
same goes to all other countries.
The thing i was really amaze by was all their techniques
it's really too good.

other sports were good too
i watched it on TV though
not live.
I really like gymnastics
i think they're crazy.
seriously dope.
Swimming is like similar to track
so it's good to watch too(:

Initially i'm not enthusiastic about the whole YOG
tht's why i decided not to volunteer for it.
I think i made th right choice anyway
because volunteering means i would miss out all the action
i prefer being a spectator
so it's all good.
The good part about YOG to me is just that
finally we get to watch sports and this kinda level
With many international people.
Since i do not have a sports channel
HAHAHHA. and of course all the interaction and learning
If i was volunteering, i probably be working my arse off.
So Thank God i made the right choice.

The only annoying part is that the some people
volunteerto see 'hot' people
WTF.
so annoying.
don't know anything about sports then why the hell are you there?

2010-08-15T23:10:00.002+08:00

Watched PCK the movie today
it was funny
everyone should watch the movie
it's wayyy better than Avatar: The Last Airbender

went for nephew's birthday
a newborn.
hope you grow up and be a good man(:
watched YOG on TV
and Singapore is going no where.

tomorrow is gonna be pretty crazy

2010-08-12T22:04:00.002+08:00

In life, we probably would never get what we want.but we always have to make things work somehow. So we just got to make the best out of it.

It wasn't the best chalet i could ask for, but i had fun.
XBOX!! DEAD OR ALIVE!!
The chalet was scary, but there were people to keep that thought away.

Avatar: The Last Airbender wasn't the best movie, it wasn't awesome at all. but it entertained me for a few hours and helped kill time.

Sometimes i wish that some moments could be stop, rewind or replay. If only i held on to you and not push you away. Wonder how things would have went

Last day at TAS

2010-08-07T01:43:00.003+08:00

i'm so SHAG
but i bother to blog
probably because it's a day i should remember
it's the last day at TAS
Tourism Academy Sentosa.
I remember i hated it from the first day
but it took me awhile to realise that it wasn't that bad
i kinda like it after awhile
only when it was the last week of school,
then i realise i'm gonna miss the pretty views and
the comfy chairs in lectures.
Happy Birthday Edmund!
Our class sucks, never celebrate for you!
but anyway it was a nice lunch with you, Tim and Ling Na!
Hope we get a chance to do it again!

After the two tiring tutorials and Intro Lei & Rec revision lecture
took some photos and went to Siloso beach to find 1K05
i swear it was hell walking from beach station to the other end.
Long..
had fun playing.
Except for the fact that i bang into a flower pot while trying to catch a frisbee
now my leg has a bruise and swelled up part. on the shin! -.-
anyway, afterhat went chomp chomp!
my first time! and the food was AWESOME
yummy!
then we went to Lester's house
his house is so pretty and comfy!
His dog, Yellow is so fluffy i'm gonna die!
played monopoly deal and went home soon after!
got home around 1250AM!

Update soon!
Happy Birthday YY/ Bro!:D

listen

2010-08-03T23:58:00.002+08:00

12-2PM Intro to Leisure and Recreation
that's all for school.
thank goodness i got a B for coursework grade
i barely made it, thanks to the test which i just pass.
but in actual fact i was suppose to fail.

After school, went Sexy Diamond to kill time
Thanks Ben/ Wei Keat for th Avatar series!:D
Thanks Elke for showing me cool videos!
thanks for helping me kill time!

House course!
it's awesome of course
but tiring! i could hardly breathe today!
recap all the techniques plus new ones
Thanks Daniel for yet another awesome clas

When to eat with Marcus and Jinwen
but Jinwen didn't really eat lol
so after that i went home.

I spammed the TAS printer for notes. LOL

What shall i do tomorrow.

despicable me

2010-08-02T23:42:00.003+08:00

got this from google

It's a Monday, so it's Accounting Day
Accounting revision lecture
which i slept through most of it.
Then had Subway with Fiona and Reynold
back to school for Accounting Tutorial
It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.
The bad news was only my accounting test 2
23/40. HAH
lucky i pass. phew
Need to study harder!

After that met Chloe for movie
watched Despicable Me!
sorry i know, a bit slow.
been busy with projects
but anyway i still get to watch right.
it's a very good move, ultra funny
i love edith! haha! she's so cute.

that's all folks

yet another update

2010-07-30T23:54:00.002+08:00

It's been two weeks since i updated

been way too busy!

Projects are over!

RWS performance is over!

now concentrate on track i guess.

kinda lost the feeling to do anything.

hope is something i wish i don't have

because when it goes up, it's hard for it to go back down

when it does, all that is felt is pain.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACK my fellow project mate!

after school plus lecture, went to find 1K05 at Katong Shopping Centre

to celebrate Jack's birthday in advance

first time there, i almost died trying to get there.

got off the wrong bus stop and stuff.

i manage to get there! woohoo!

then karaoke, first time after what seem like 10 years

my singing is horrible

but oh well, everyone had a great time!

went to eat Laksa after that! yummy!

then went to play pool! (like after what seem like a long time)

went home around 1130.

I AM SHAG.

lazy to update much

more update coming soon

stay tune:D

maybe it's time to start

2010-07-18T23:46:00.002+08:00

Dear God,
i don't know if you would hear me. i don't know if you would want to hear me. but whatever it is, i do hope you listen. There are many people who believe in you, i don't know if i am, but maybe someday i will be. My grand aunt prayed to you for many years and she have always been doing good things; passing down what she has learnt and spread the word about you. Now she's in the hospital, not sure what is ahead of her, but still she has God in her heart. She prays hoping you would answer and listen. She's ill, all she said she needed was to rest and pray. I really hope you bless her with good health and heal her. I'm not a strong believer like her, but what she tells me, i do listen and trust. That's why i hope you hear me, from the bottom of my heart, i pray. I hope this family would stay together.

Love,
Amanda

Updates

2010-07-17T23:37:00.000+08:00

The Big Groove 2010!

Signed up for master class!, this year managed to sign up early.
So went for Take's house class! it was awesome fun!
Take is so funny, and a really good teacher.
obviously, he's dope! woohoo!:D
learnt a lot!

After Take's class, it's Yokoi's hip hop! back to back
well i died in this class!
it's ultra tiring, i was super duper duper wet!
and i hardly catch my breath during the class, i was panting throughout
Andy couldn't take it and sat down.
after looking at Yokoi during wam up
i immediately concluded: Yokoi is freaking DOPE, crazy, and his groove is out of this universe
when he started teaching the first 8 of the choreo i was like:
G.G
the choreo was freaking fast, not impossible to catch
but really fast and there was a lot of jumping stuff
therefore, hardly able to breathe. lol!
but awesome class, besides learning a lot
i think i manage to level up probably by 1%
haha! i suddenly can catch choreo faster.
love the class!
oh and thanks Edison for 'dying' with me for both classes!

didn't go for popping snow's class the next day
but manage to see some classes
like Yokoi's second class, Hok's class and Hanai's soul class!
Awesome! i wish i had the money!
and i signed up for Daniel's house! woohoo!
Saw the poppers going for popping snow's class!
took photo with them, haven't seen them for so long!
saw krazybonez and popping snow too!:D
nice people!

The Big Groove concert!! was awesome of course
damn pissed of with the blackcard line, but anyway!
i love all the performances! everyone was dope!
WCO FTW! and i like the indonesia crew cause they really seem to tell a story
almost teared in their performance!
but most memorable thing, is that Boi Boi is back! woooo!
for a few weeks at least!,so happy to see him at TBG concert!
Sadly, he's not staying in Singapore permanently anymore!
really miss this little recital mate of mine! take care!:D

The past week
After that was rush projects like mad
I'm literally going mad because of AM/FEM project
plus track and dance
i keep feeling guilty because i keep having to skip one
i wish my schedule would just fall into place!

today was a tiring day!
went for tpde training
did self track training with K
eat Sushi Tei! woohoo!
and walk around
manage to catch NDP airplanes and tanks!
wooo!
pictures soon!

doubts

2010-07-10T23:33:00.002+08:00

Words can lift you up but it can kick you straight into the ground. When words are spoken, whether you like it or not, it's already said. Words make me think, sometimes i hardly know myself anymore. I doubt myself as a person, who am i. I think i don't deserve to live, so what am i doing on earth still breathing? I really don't know. It's difficult to see things you don't wanna see, things you aren't doing right, things you're suppose to care about but never did. I'm doing everything wrong. Everything. I'm a horrible person. I pray at night hoping to make my family's life better, i think it's futile. I want to believe in changes, but i can't see it. Where's the light.Maybe my bro is right, i'm useless. I'm never smart in the family, i'm never good enough, i'm never anywhere. People don't hear me, people don't see me. The only time is when they really need me. When i talk, no one hears a thing i'm saying, and i have to repeat or just pretend i didn't say anything. I believe in being nice to others, because i know what its like to be treated like crap and thrown aside, but i think no one appreciates it. I think no one gives a shit about friendliness now. Now, it's all fame and status, being dope and all. I'm fucking sick and tired of this life i'm living. I'm neither here nor there, i'm just being where i am. It's not that i'm unhappy being where i am, is just that i feel i don't belong anywhere. Track, i seriously have no idea; dance, is like there's a line somewhere; school i'm just someone; home, i'm just a little girl. I just can't fit in anywhere, can i.

The strangest thing is that, i feel much more at peace alone. Being alone, i can find myself, i don't have to listen to comments or anything other than my own heart. I don't even know what i want anymore, how i'm feeling because i can hardly hear my heart crying. I can hardly hear my own thoughts, i can hardly see myself as me anymore. I just want to be myself again. I cry and tear in my room, i don't know the reason why, but all i can feel is pain in my heart and my soul. I feel the main but i don't know why. I hope it would heal, i always pray for this pain to go away cause i feel like shit. But it doesn't.

Probably everything i say here doesn't make sense.FML
i remember the first time, i really told my mum how i felt was went my dad scolded me and my family was at my grand aunt's place. I cried and told her, how many times i actually felt like just going away. maybe it's once in a blue moon i'll say something like that. cause i like keeping things to myself. i feel most comfortable. But after that 'confession', i felt really bad i think i hurt my mum pretty bad. complicated world. shall stop for now.

madness

2010-07-03T23:46:00.005+08:00

updates: it's been awhile, seriously

Sunday was Mileage High Party

Battles were dope, showcase was dope, everyone was dope

Everyone levelled up, Scary ya know.

Anyway had fun(:

School is crazy: PROJECTS, PROJECTS AND MORE PROJECTS

KNS

i'm seriously going mad, it's like i never enjoyed myself for weeks

places i only go is school and home.

Sad life.

Friday after school went for Audrey's chalet for awhile, then head home.

had fun meeting everyone, especially the SSP people

it's really been awhile, really great to catch up!

fun fun.

Today had dance training.

Tiring and scary.

session awhile after eating at design

(i miss TP's food)

session awhile and town i go

i met a lot of people at town today

okay back to projects

bye world

it's really FML.

house class with bobby mileage

2010-06-25T23:25:00.003+08:00

Bobby's house workshop

Haven't been blogging this week
reason being,
school is INSANE
projects.
i hate you
AM/FEM and Intro L&R
so many things to do!
and deadline is approaching!

anyway, it rained today
i had to bring the large umbrella out
i was late for class thanks to the rain and the bus.
it's FEM, i got A for my report, which was an absolute surprise
because i thought my report i wrote a lot of crap
surprisingly, it worked?!
then had intro L&R lecture
i was dozing off,
the atmosphere was way too good for sleeping

finally, went for Bobby Mileage's House workshop
i thought it was awesome, even though i struggled most of the time
i learnt new stuff and had fun!
there's a lot to house and i just wanna find out more
Although, the warm up was tiring and well house is a tiring dance
requires a lot of endurance
but, i think it's fun, the music is awesome and of course the dance
second time at an official house class i think i did pretty alright!
will keep working hard!
thanks Bobby!

what i remembered:
Loose legs, Train, Farmer, Dolphin dive, i don't know the names of the remaining.
shall find out soon

i can't find my way home anymore

2010-06-21T23:11:00.003+08:00

Where is home? Where is the place when i feel loved as a kid? What happen to all the love in this small family? I thought everything was getting better day by day. I thought we were getting by just fine. I thought by avoiding this little family would be pieced together again. Maybe all of us were just pretending, maybe everything wasn't fine and it was all a lie.

Just a little quarrel and a few shouts was all it takes to throw reality in my face. It hurts. That's all i can say, i thought it wouldn't matter to me. I thought it wouldn't hurt inside anymore, i thought i was numb to the pain. After what happened, i realise i do care because no matter what happens, we're still a family. Even though it's always about the same thing, cause the pain feels exactly the same, i'm still not numb to it. I really hate it.

Tears roll down my face everyday, every night in my own little room. I've never been like this before. All i feel is pain and everyday i just feel like ripping myself apart to stop it. I can feel my heart breaking,literally, but i don't know how to stop it from hurting. Part of me knows why things are like that, part of me is just trying to not think about it. I'm human too, not a robot. I can't believe in my own room i'm stopping myself from crying and I tell myself "i'm strong" but the fact is, i'm not. I pray every night just to make myself feel that everything is alright, i pray to God everyday saying "i hope everything is okay" when i don't even know if he hears me. When would this stop, really.

Listening to songs from my childhood, i remember the songs i use to lisen s a lullaby. I remember the memories in my previous house, all the little happy funny moments. I don't remember a sad memory. But now, it's like there isn't a single happy memory in this house of mine. Not a day would everyone be a home, most of the time it's only me. If not, my bro and my mum. This family is incomplete most of the time, well that's okay, but what's worst it that i feel it's falling apart. I can hardly find my way home. Not literally home, i know where my house is of course. But, the feel of belonging to one. Home is suppose to be filled with warmth, happiness and probably where you feel safest. But, home now to me, is somewhere lonely, somewhere empty, somewhere i'm afraid of showing my emotions. This is what home is to me now. and my family i can't even find words to describe what it is now.

Among all these pain, why can't i find a little spark that makes everything better?

Too cool

2010-06-16T23:44:00.003+08:00

" Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it"

-Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember

A cold day to begin with

it was cold all the way till the evening because i was in Starbucks the whole day

It rained, and many places in Singapore flooded

at this rate, due to global warming

Singapore will be gone in no time

Save the Earth people.

Projects, projects..

they're simply driving me mad

to think of ideas, elaboration and proper sentences are killing my brain cells

i wish reports could be in point form

i wish reports do not need proper sentencing

i wish there were no such thing GPA

There are a lot of things in life i wish did not exist,

but some things are just not within our control.

I wonder who came up with the phrases

"Fate is in your own hands"

and "You have to fight for your happiness"

i think it's crap. Really.

Nothing in relation to this is actually within our control

anyway updates from last week and the past few days:

Piriyah's/Dipna's party

Hip hop training by An An

Prince of Persia: Sands of Time

illusions

2010-06-14T23:20:00.002+08:00

Everyone dreams when they sleep

Sometimes you dream, sometimes you don't

I wonder how you know if you're gonna dream

Sometimes you don't remember them, sometimes you do

When you don't, it becomes deja vu.

When you do, it misleads your heart and mind.

I used to love dreaming

Now i don't

because..

Dreams are scaring me nowadays

I dream of people i don't know

or i dream of weird things.

I used to feel in a certain way for you

i let go, moved on.

One dream, just one..

can turn my life around and make me feel it again

it's misleading cause it'll never happen

and i know deep down inside me that it won't happen

yet i can't help but imagine if it was real.

I woke up feeling it was real,

i could feel you, your breath and your presence.

Only to wake up and realise it was a lie,

it was just a dream.

Please go away soon

drift away feelings, drift.

i don't want illusions, i want reality.

2010-06-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

Even though it hurts so much

my heart can't seem to let go

first official house class

2010-06-10T23:19:00.001+08:00

Surprised Piriyah in the morning at SSP

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!:D

hope you had a great day!

can't wait for ya party

love ya!

went to eat Pizza hut with Piriyah, Nor, MX and Dipna

i was ultra full. ahah!

went home and nap. LOL

almost woke up late.

Met Gerry and her friends, went to Recognise studios

for house class(:

yes it was fun, and tiring!

oh well. walked around with Shantelle after that.

and i realise, my oschool black card email didn't get sent out properly

i'm an idiot.

2010-06-09T22:25:00.002+08:00

i had nothing to do today
was home the whole day
watched finish Human Trafficking
and did pretty much nothing.
i'm becoming lazy.
found this thingy on K's blog
so just decided to copy from her
since i'm so bored.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF

1. I wish i had a more unique english name
2. I don't comb my hair after taking a bath at night
3. I am a very indecisive person
4. I'm in two CCAs
5. I'm allergic to dust/ dust mites
6. I hate the smell of smoke
7. I'm pure chinese, not peranakan or mix-.-
8. I like singing to myself
9. I don't dress up nicely most of the time
10. I think a lot

NINE THINGS YOU’VE THOUGHT ABOUT RECENTLY

1. Shopping for clothes
2. Pixar Exhibition at Science Centre
3. Whether i'm in the right course
4. Dance and track
5. Family/ friends
6. Future boyfriend
7. What have i been as person
8. How should i plan out my day when there is so many clashes
9. The Past

EIGHT WAYS TO WIN YOUR HEART

1. Love/Like Me for who i am, not appearances
2. Don't smoke or drink
3. Be there for me
4. Share happiness or woes with me
5. Be honest
6. Make me laugh
7. Sincerity
8. Taller than me

SEVEN THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD DO.

1. Travel and see what's beyong Singapore
2. Spend more time with my family
3. Speak Koean and Japanese
4. Help all the less fortunate and make their lives better
5. Cook/Bake
6. Revamp my entire house
7. Run all my life

SIX THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP.

1. Yawn
2. Close my eyes
3. Pray
4. Switch off the lights
5. Fluff my pillow
6. Think about stuff

FIVE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO FIVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT.

1. Sometimes i think about you
2. I wish i can do something to change all of these
3. Catch up soon
4. I don't understand why everything is so different
5. I wanna go back to the past

FOUR THINGS YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW.

1. Thinking
2. This
3. Breathing
4. Blinking my eyes

THREE THINGS YOU’RE SCARED OF

1. Getting hurt
2. Paranormal
3. Being Alone

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. Travel the world
2. Meet someone special

ONE CONFESSION

1. I dream of people i do not know

run run

2010-06-08T23:40:00.003+08:00

really great meeting you girls(:
love you girls from the bottom of my heart
hopefully we won't forget each other
and we'll meet up more often!
we need to catch up ya know

anyway this week is gonna be crazy and it is
too many birthdays
i wanna go Pixar,
maybe i can go tomorrow.
i mean i finally get a free day.
and i definitely don't feel like using it to dance or run.

Today all i did was went for track training
Mr Tang took over,
never been under him before
but he's a really nice, funny guy
all we did was warm-up, stretching and drills
and i feel as if i can't walk tomorrow
drills was already a killer for us
i never knew lunges could be so tiring
and i didn't know how important it is.
actually i didn't know how important any of the drill
like how it actually plays a part in running
now i do, after today's training that is.
but even though i felt like dying
i kinda liked it!
somehow it was a pretty fun session(:

i think what people say
really gives certain motivation,
after what Mr Tang said about running mechanics
and when he corrects a drills
when i sort of understand;
i somehow got motivated and he ask if i felt 'shiok'
after doing a drills sort of right
apparently it did.
i guess the satisfaction was unexpected
and i guess i can sum up what sports can give me:
relaxation, satisfaction, enjoyment and..
i think there's more, can't think a the moment

not that dance cannot give me those.
i guess just different kind.
i never felt that 'woah' feeling when i dance
like the overwhelming kind
it's just different.
wonder why.

2010-06-08T01:49:00.003+08:00

happy birthday

7th june: Dipna

8th june: Mariam and Dad

i just realise i didn't call to wish my dad

i just realise i didn't get him a present either

what kind of unfilial daughter am i.

what am i afraid of? awkwardness?

it's been so long since i felt bonded to my family

the only times i felt that i even have a family, are the family dinners

and those don't even last for 2 hours.

other have family, so do i, why does it feel so different?

home.

it's empty, dark and never lively

stories i hear from others about what happened at home,

i don't even have a story to tell.

sometimes i pray to God and ask

why? why is everything like that?

i remember writing an essay in secondary school, about love.

there are different kinds of love.

family love, love between friends, relationship sort of love.

but what i probably yearn he most, is the first.

i realise i always try to make myself better in a situation, just make myself feel a little better

just notice that i always say i have a lot of freedom.

but i wish my parents would have the time to even control me.

i have a lot of freedom because they simply do not have time to control me.

i know whatever i'm saying is going way off the point.

i keep pushing people away,

because i'm living in a box.

where i feel most comfortable,

where all my problems are within this box

and no one is allowed to open it except me.

i'm sorry to all those who care

and i don't know how to explain my problems

because i'm not good with words.

everything just comes out wrong when i say something

there's a lot of times i wish i would just keep quiet.

i just wish everything would be how i was when i was a kid.

simple and everything i needed was there

everything changed ever since i entered secondary 1.

i wonder is it because i lived in a hostel and when i came back

everything just wasn't the same

it was just 4 years, just 4.

and after this 4 years i felt like a different person.

i thought it was better, cause i felt like i've changed from bad to good.

but everything else in my life simply fell apart.

why. why is everything like that.

so many things but i can't even put them in simple words.

memories at its best

2010-06-05T01:47:00.002+08:00

Looking at the photos i have
i wish i could turn back time and experience everything all over
i know there are moments and memories
but yet it wasn't all captured on film.
i know memories don't live on photos
it lives in the heart.

Retain the good memories, but don't throw away the bad ones either
the bad memories; is very much hated
however no matter how much you hate it
It is still important, it is part of who you are
bad memories are still memories, they let you reminisce the past
without them, even the good memories doesn't exist.

so, hope for a better tomorrow.
let the days be happy, and memories you gain would be good.
saw something from the fighting spiders
can't remember the exact words, i know its about hope.
"hope replenishes your soul, so don't lose hope"

I envy those families who give each other unlimited amount of support
i envy the love between them, that fills the air.
even through the television i can feel them.
I wonder when would that day come for me.
i wonder when will someone give me that unlimited support and love.
Being in the same house, and being related to one another.
yet there is always a barrier that separates all of us.
Is it because of the life we lead, is it because of the situation we're in
i don't ask for much, i just ask for a little quality time.
but nevertheless, i won't lose hope
i'll just keep moving all on my own
till the day i find that something i've been looking for

bad mamma jammer

2010-06-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

Accounting test today
okay i have a lot of stupid mistakes
but i should be able to pass the paper
i'm leaving this behind.

When to Bugis with Anita, to find her dress
bought a pair of shoe and some other stuff
stoned for very long, thinking whether i should buy clothes
decided to save money, cause i'm broke
and buy another day.
Walk around Bugis for very long
Saw Yuechao that idiot, very long never dance.
Went to library to read comics.
i think i should go to the library again haha!
it's kinda fun.
but i was wasting my time to decide whether to go Super Jam
so i did go in the end

Super Jam was fun
I was 'lucky',
my first round i meet Marzipan. haha!
no auditions cause only got 16.
well, i think everyone levelled up,
which is scary!
Kie Loong won! woohoo!
but everyone was dope today(:
cyphered after that

Tomorrow project whole day!
go go go!

Accounting

2010-06-02T00:38:00.002+08:00

hello accounting, my one and only paper

i hope i'll pass you because i studied you the whole day

Images

2010-05-31T23:39:00.000+08:00

today went Images of Singapore with group mates

Spam photos, i sort of like the exhibits about Singapore

maybe cause i like history,

but i like old ford factory more i think, cause it's on war stuff.

had consultation after that for attractions/ fem project

it's going nowhere seriously

oh well.

suppose to study, but ended up waiting for people and eating

never study=.=

only studied at 10PM.

meeting Anita at 10AM

goodbye world.

and i finally settled for a blog skin.

i think.

recently, i've been looking at things from a wider point of view

i'm seeing things i never realise

a whole lot of crap

lies

crazy days

2010-05-31T01:55:00.003+08:00

Updates

Friday, Loose Joint's workshop was DOPE
Really inspiring and i think i gain a lot of knowledge.
Thanks Loose Joint for the awesome workshop!
Thanks Diana and Joycelyn for attending it with me(:

Studying with Kayla these days.
Thanks! but i was basically rushing my Attractions Mgt Project.
It really sucks.

Get Down Vol 3 was awesome
Thanks to KS and Brendan for organising it.
Thank to Ben for the comments
Thanks to everyone who made it fun!
Surprised i was even in Top 32, because i didn't expect it.
All i wanted was to have fun
and i really did.
Thank you to Jeremy, Luqman and Andy for the enlightenment!
Good job to everyone!

Studied with Diana and Kayla at K's place today.
Awesome awesome
and Toby looks like a sheep woohoo

and Tommy, you survived all my typing and using you today
woohoo <3

ROM over

2010-05-27T23:51:00.000+08:00

finally done with the stressful ROM,
test and presentation
now gotta concentrate on Attractions Management
and Accounting Mid Sem Test!

I need to stop slacking
oh well that's all for my updates(:

monday blues

2010-05-24T23:50:00.007+08:00

I sessioned at today
thanks everyone it was fun(:

as usual, school is like shit

and before i forget
Happy Birthday to Melody Leow(:

sometimes fairytales are what people simply wish for

2010-05-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

projects are practically making me go mad
ROM submission on Monday
ROM presenation Thursday
ROM test Thursday
Attraction Mgt Project Thursday
Are you kidding me?
This is insane

Surprisingly i still have some time off
Manage to catch The Last Song with Chloe,
the movie was on one of the stories Nicholas Sparks wrote
i really love his books.
I thought the movie was awesome
i couldn't stop tearing at the last few parts of the movie
i got to say it's totally worth my saturday $9.50.
love it(:

Didn't do project, so Sunday gotta work hard!

I really need to shop,
i saw loads of stuff i wanna buy!
and i did something really stupid, by rejecting an offer
if not i would have bought the shirt i want! gosh.
how dumb of me!

project season: quick update

2010-05-19T00:50:00.003+08:00

haven't been blogging for what seems like 2 weeks!
a lot of happenings,
don't have time to blog.

The only most significant i can remember is TPDE orientation camp!
i was HDL for Poseidon with Zheng Yi
i had loads of fun.
Even had my first night walk, which i think it's pretty awesome
the people were really good actors!
Freshies in my group were all really nice too!
so yay! everything went well for camp!
i had loads of fun!

Sadly, i missed out on pro-am!
heard it's fun, oh well there's always next time.

project season now!
chionging like mad!
i hardly dance, not feeling it.
It's like when someone mentions something
my mood just falls.
oh well that's all for update!

and studying at sentosa still officially suck.
(:

passing through somehow

2010-05-08T23:39:00.000+08:00

I can finally feel the difficulty of coping between dance and track
i wanna run and go for training.
but i want to session and dance too.
apparently, track and dance like to be on the same day.
how can i choose?
put that aside for now.

volunteering for YOG was probably a stupid mistake
now i have no idea what to write for the report
the event was quite weird as there weren't that many youths
and i had blisters and leg aches after standing the whole day
the fun part was probably working with other people and
getting to see all the celebrities.

went for Ben's open today
learn new things of course, yay!
and went to watch NTU Funk Jam Vol 1
all i can say, it was dope shit!
the atmosphere was great, so were the people.
and thanks NTU for organising this!
Enjoyed myself.

happy birthday mum

2010-05-03T23:09:00.005+08:00

i literally died in school
hardly able to open my eyes.

i bought a cake and mascara for my mum for her birthday

Dear Mum,
though it's not much and that you may never read this
but just wanna say Happy birthday mummy!
i'm not very good with words when it comes to talking,
i don't know how to express myself when it comes to feelings more personal
sometimes, i look like i don't care about a lot of stuff but i really do
i know that you ask a lot of questions to find out how i'm doing
or what i've been up to lately
i know my answers haven't been the most pleasant because i'm used to being alone
all on my own, i like keeping things to myself.
you never really complained and i really like that.
i know you try everything you can to give us what you can
and time isn't the most important thing at the moment to give.
maybe because of that i've become this "alone" person.
Really appreciate what you've done for the family,
although it was only me and you blowing the cake
but i see the happiness and joy in your face that i remembered
i did something and it's really all about the thoughts
i feel content that you're happy i just wish i could have done more
much more for you to be happier and lead a better life.
but i'm only me and there is only so much i can do.
i hope you have an awesome birthday.

♥ Amanda

dreams

2010-05-02T16:41:00.002+08:00

bought my running shoe yesterday

like finally

all my shoes are like falling apart

bought a mizuno one, cause asics is like too expensive.

plus i get loads of free stuff when i bought the mizuno

i'm putting everything down

and just letting you go.

determined to forget, to not talk to you and hopefully not see you

i think God is making a fool out of me

of all people, i saw you yesterday

luckily, you didn't see me.

i don't even bother trying anymore

because it's not worth my time and effort

when people just don't appreciate.

thanks zy for the encouragement and some wakening.

but still i need some time.

dreams are always just dreams.

i don't believe in magic and miracles

because apparently none of those happen to me.

my shoulder still hurts=.=

that's the way it goes

2010-04-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

School 11-1 and 2-4

but class ended at 3 plus. woohoo

Went to watch movie with K at The Cathay

Iron Man 2!

it was damn nice.

we sat first row though

and my eyes were literally trying to open wider

in order to watch the show.

haha!

Walked around, and i realise how many things i want

and how expensive they are

stupid converse cost so much

when they are just a canvas shoe.

damn

tomorrow need to buy sports shoes!

FML man.

shoulders

2010-04-29T23:49:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging

cause i'm lazy

Second week at TAS, well all i can say is

FML

My classes are like damn boring somewhat

and i start late end late.

if got training must rush back to school

Monday and Tuesday i didn't really have anything on.

ultra slack.

Wednesday i decided to go back school to session

wasn't really what i expected

cause during the holidays it was a much more fun and productive session

now it's sort of getting stressful i don't know why

weird aura and atmosphere,

but still i was damn high and happy i get to dance.

Thanks guys(:

Today was a really stupid day

simply hate my timetable

2-5pm, one tutorial and one Apel

who on earth arranged the timetable.

after that chiong back to school for track orientation

at first thought got trials,

but actually only play games.

i injured my shoulder=.=

i don't even know how!

sigh.

but the coach is like really nice.

trainings on tuesday and thursday!

hope i don't die!

what happen to sunshine after rain?

2010-04-24T23:44:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging because i've been really tired and i've no idea why. Travelling back and forth between home, sentosa and tp; waking up early in the morning for school; trying to stay alive listening to the long hours of lectures and crappy stuff, i'm still trying to be used to that again. After my 10 hours sleep everyday during the holidays. I'm hardly discipline now, i barely read, i barely study. I don't want my GPA to drop, really. With 2 CCAs right now, it's not much of a help, wonder why on earth i got myself into such a mess. Anyway let me go to the updates, before i start crapping.

Wednesday/Touring RWS
It was the day that LRM had a compulsory tour around Resort World Sentosa(RWS). Initially, i was dreading it like crazy because it's like 10AM to 3PM sort of thing. Somehow, the tour was pretty awesome. The hotels and facilities are really good, I love Hard Rock hotel. The interior is cool to the max.Also, we got to visit Universal Studios! Surprisingly, i saw Edmund and Jui Hsin there. Both having internship at USS, awesome or what. We watched the funny Madagascar show and sat Shrek 4D woohoo. Other than that was all walking. The only bad thing was the HOT weather, i swear i feel like i was going to get a heatstroke.

Thursday/Probably the most unlucky day anyone can have
Went to TP cause got CCA recruitment performance,went early to practise. Everything was alright for practise. When it came to the performance, production crew screwed our music. Our performance became some f*cked up shit. Maybe we could have been more professional about it, but sorry i couldn't help but feeling pissed and well screwed up mood. When i thought my bad luck was over, it wasn't. After dinner with K and D, i thought i could finally go home early. Left school to take a bus much earlier than the rest of the week. I reached Sim Lim bus stop at 9 plus, two buses came like with a 15 minutes interval, both buses are small and filled with people. I couldn't go up the bus cause there was damn a lot of f*cking people squeezing to go up the bus or refuse to put their fat ass in. Being totally annoyed and pissed, i called my dad to pick me. After being at the bus stop for 40 minutes, my dad came. Just before he did, my bus came, it was long and empty. What the crap is SMRT doing?, when it's peak hour you sent a short bus, when it's not a long bus. Are you kidding me?!

Friday/waiting is horrible
School at Sentosa, 2 lectures, i survived. Went back to TP for TPDE meeting and Seniors meeting. Feeling quite screwed about a lot of things, i kept quiet plus i had a sore throat. Just listened to what others have to say. I'm going to stop here before i say anything i don't wanna say, cause this blog is public. Sessioned after, not exactly but somewhat. The SC looks awesome at least, with Hip hop dancers, Funk stylers(includes bboys) and Modern dancers at each corner. Cool or what. Suppose to eat, but everyone left like so late. Well TPDE likes to drag, so i didn't eat and went off. Call dad to pick me up cause my last bus was gone anyway and since i didn't eat anything but bread the whole day, he brought me to this awesome place in Little India near Mustafa to eat Pig Organ soup. It was dope shit. The best Pig Organ soup i have drank. Awesome, reached home at 1AM. I was dead tired.

Today/It's been awhile, but oh well.
Went to Oschool for Popping Open class today! woohoo had loads of fun! The studio is awesome of course, and so is Ben. Sadly, the class is quiet, lucky there is Elke inside to sort of laugh with me. We felt like worms/fishes today, cause of tidal wave! Needless to say, the choreo is fun to the max. I learnt something new, which is the tidal wave and that you can do a lot of things at different height. Training how to hit cleaner. I realise my right hand pop is really shitty, and i am a right hander. what the crap. During hitting warm up my right hand died so much earlier than left hand. Must train hits! Met up with Chloe, we watched Kick Ass! It was a pretty funny show, everyone was dying in the movie. Sad of course, but good entertainment. Avatar CD is out, must buy! I want the headphones from HMV!! $99. gosh. i want. I need a lot of stuff and i want a lot of stuff too.

I joined trck and field once more, i'm afraid i cannot cope. but i need to discipline myself in order to make it true. I need and want to push you aside but you're still floating in my mind. What can i do to makes things right? My life feels like a thunderstorm.

2010-04-20T23:04:00.000+08:00

I've no idea what to blog.

I just hope you get outta my head soon.

year 2

2010-04-19T23:53:00.001+08:00

shall blog a little about the first day of school

tired and lazy

but shall do it anyway

Year 2 and i feel old.

Studying at TAS this sem.

and the first day wasn't what i expected

it was totally like a spoiler to my mood.

Lecture was pretty dead.

Campus is not conducive at all

USS is like next to the school.

food sucks and expensive.

Spending $5 plus per day on food is really not a good idea

i am a poor kid.

can't spend too much on meals.

Suppose to have joey's training

but cancelled.

if i had known, i wouldn't have board the MRT to Tampines.

Luckily, my day brightened with Leslie and MX.

Subway, Jokes and Laughter.

that is probably the best remedy

i unofficially declare holiday tomorrow.

crashing lecture.

i guess i gotta really let you go this time

cause dreams will always be dreams.

that's what i think.

jump start

2010-04-17T15:09:00.003+08:00

Regatta performance was 'cui to the max'

that's all i can say. well more for joey's item

because we sat there for 2 hours and became 'nua'

but thanks guys for all the retarded training sessions we had(:

woohoo, joey's hip hop item ftw!

almost fell down during the performance, stupid stage=.=

okay well, since its over.

let me try to be happy(:

next week recruiment drive, got performance again!

but it's alright. it's the street scene song

i like. so nevermind(:

school is starting in two days!

gosh i'll be at sentosa=(

going to miss seeing everyone i know in school!

and i have to rush back if there's training!

that's gonna suck even more.

i don't even know where the hell is the school.

first day of school i'm going to be lost.

GREAT. what a nice way to start of my year 2.

today is a saturday and i'm at home.haha!

this feeling has been in me too long

probably the longest ever.

and it's growing stronger, not weaker

i want it to go away.

really stop.

because i know i won't get what i want.

seeing you at regatta doesn't help either.

i feel worst when all i can do is reach out to you from afar.

i really need to stop this.

the only positive thing i can think of is

"at least we're friends"

it's also probably the least comforting thing.

luck

2010-04-15T23:19:00.000+08:00

some people say

"you can't just wait for things to happen, you got to make it happen"

but sometimes, all you need is a little luck before it happens.

so, you can't just make things happen

there is a reason why they call it falling in love

because sometimes you just fall and you don't make it happen

it just happen, it just do.

national schools fever

2010-04-14T23:50:00.000+08:00

Today was the final day of national schools
it's probably always the most exciting and awesome of all
the crowd goes wild and all you hear is people screaming for you
people from your school or maybe not.
it's like probably the best competition of all.
i miss a lot of stuff,
the feeling of knowing so many people
and just getting to know more each time you compete
i miss that kind of feeling
you can just talk to any random person you're running with
and you become friends.
the part about running is that sometimes you don't just run for yourself
you run for your team, for points or medal
win together,lose together.
and everytime your feet touches the track during competition
you probably know why you've been training so hard all the while.
just for that moment on the track.

glad to have met those people in the picture,
not everyone who is suppose to be there is there.
you guys certainly hold a place in my life.
let's hope a few years down the road, we would still remember each other
and do all sorts of crazy shit still.
and many others, i'm glad i met y'all from competitions.
though we don't hang out often.
but glad to have known y'all and compete with you people from other schools

i was a spectator today ,of course, over age remember?
but still it's awesome to be just watching
this year, the juniors totally raised the bar
"records are meant to be broken"
well certainly they live up to that
My batch used to always come so close to the damn record,
but always fail to break it due to screwed up passings.
proud to be your senior, and congratulations to all of you!
Although, we didn't retain the B girls title.
but it's okay, it's just a title.
the timings have become so much faster than our time.
Mr P's training certainly is effective.
guess i probably see Shanti in the papers. haha!
All the best to those involve in YOG trials!
Train hard!
<3

sometimes i wonder, why dance isn't like this
why is it so divided?
in track, no matter how old you are we still bond like a team
sure you have your cliques, but is it so difficult to welcome others.
"win together, lose together"
this should be more important in dance than in track.
since you're always dancing with someone.
an item is an item, if it looks bad, everyone is at fault
it's team thing.
i can't say i dance for myself, cause i really don't.
i heard somewhere before, you can't always think for others
you gotta think and dance for yourself.
but what's the point, because i don't see the purpose when i'm alone.
i think really need track, to help me remember who am i.
my point of view about things and most importantly being discipline.

some people may think i'm trash talking
if you don't agree, it's alright
it's my blog and my point of view
this post is not meant to shoot anyone on purpose
just what i think and feel.
so please don't go and backstab me by saying i gossip about you
thank you.

it's just a screwed up world

2010-04-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

frustration sets in

and i really can't take it much longer

too much, too much

forget it, if anything happens

it's MY fault okay

blame me.

happy?

hey mister it's really really nice to meet ya

2010-04-13T15:46:00.003+08:00

finally blogging again
i'm not gonna let this place die
but i've just been really really lazy these days

my weekend was a funky one.
R16 on saturday was dope.
well done to everyone!
Congrats to the winners(:
DJ mulder, Pop jj and Locking khan! woohoo.
the only sad thing was that there were very little audience
and it was dead quiet, even though tyron and jacky was super entertaining as MCs
i literally could hear the insects and birds when i'm clapping
went to eat with the poppers after that, and i missed my last bus
stupid bus uncle, didn't want to open the door for me and drove off
no sense of kindness at all. tsk

What The Funk vol 10 was dope too
GB Dynamic Jun was the judge.
Diana psycho-ed me to join.
so i did. didn't make it to top 32 of course.
bu it's okay, it was pretty fun.
everyone was good(:

Monday met MX a 8AM, CCK
went to watch 200m Finals!
Congrats to everyone, even if you guys didn't get Top 3
but i know all your timings were good and PBs i heard.
went to school to train in the afternoon.
and had salvo collabo trainingn the evening.

Finals tomorrow!
All the way everyone!(:

i know it may sounds crazy;
but i'm in love with you
-Tamia, Almost

sunshines after rain

2010-04-09T23:02:00.002+08:00

Nationals once again.

I hate waking up early,

but the weather in the early morning when the sun had just risen

the air is cold with a little heat.

It's comfortable and just amazing

cause the bustle of the town doesn't exist.

Good job to everyone today!

Though some may have screwed up

but it was still a good race given circumstances

and it wasn't the whole entire race was bad!(:

Proud of everyone for pushing and hitting some PBs(:

see y'all on monday 200m Finals!

Wan Yi, we finally caught up!!

Tomorrow is one crazy day that i don't know how to face.

In unison: "FOL, Fuck Our Lives"

LOL @ MX

It's a change

2010-04-08T23:28:00.000+08:00

Finally started running again on Wednesday
felt awesome even though the sun was hot as hell
and burning my skin. but somehow i felt good about it
(: maybe it's the passion.

Sessioned today at TCC
i really hate TCC
but don't really have a choice due to FO.
somehow my hip hop feel is weird these days
popping feel is better
oh well let it be.
just enjoy(:

This holiday is probably the first holiday that i didn't go town everyday
i use to either stay home or shop for my holidays
this is probably a change.
Somehow i don't feel awesome about it because i feel like
i never really had a proper rest.
but somehow it's probably the most fun.

going to watch nationals!
good luck all!(:

somehow i know i still like you
i wish i could venture into your thoughts

feel the heat

2010-04-06T22:54:00.003+08:00

Slept for 2 and a half hour

I am sad

got woken up by some murderous dream and very painful shins

which was ultra weird.

anyway i woke up at 535AM

horrible.

couldn't fall back asleep

suppose to wake up at 740AM

meeting D and MX at 9AM causeway for breakfast

after breakfast went back SSP to visit a lot of people

Mostly the staff and the Japanese.

It was good seeing everyone!

Mr Lau sort of embarassed me, he told his whole class i'm a model student

cause i put in 110% for physics,

which is quite true because i totally love his class

It's kinda weird so i think he's gone mad, but he's too smart to be

he even told his current new course mates about me too.

tsk tsk, Mr Lau. Still, you're an awesome teacher! woohoo!

Fumiko and Miyuki, you guys look the same!

Good luck for Japan Championships!(:

Miss you guys when you go back!

Train hard!

Joke: Japan Championships at where?

where ah Ms Kayla Lau Mei Xian

After that G, Mx, D and me went to CCK stadium to watch nationals!

It's getting better each year.

Well like certain events it's like going up up for SSP

but certain events it's like spiraling down.

Hope everyone rise up to the challenge and just be confident!

Go SSP and all other schools(:

i had a great time, which a lot of fun and laughter to take things off my mind.

Good luck to all for the races tomorrow and the other days!

Good job Wayne Yap for getting 2nd in Triple.

Although expected you to get 1st cause usually you are first

but you got a sprained/twisted ankle, so take care!

Anyway, the guy who won also from your school, got points!

And playing with your name was really mean but funny. hahha!

Good job Jem for your Triple too! never win but it's okay!

you're like the only SAPS from our batch still in track all the way!

Good job to all SSP juniors, too many to name~

Can't wait for 200m Finals!

Tomorrow dance day, should try to run before that.

i probaby just die if i start now

but i have to die before i don't die in the future.

get it get it?

okay i think only i understand.

goodbye world

update soon

pierced

2010-04-04T23:53:00.002+08:00

I don't even know how to put what i'm feeling in words.
That is how complicated things are now.
I try to be happy, I choose to be.
Some things are just easier said than done.
I can't just ignore everything, all the problems.
I just wish i could.
In the attempt to, someone would just remind me of
where i am and what i am suppose to be doing.
Why can't i just take an alternative route?
Why isn't there one for me.
I just need a breather. A way out.
Maybe just this once.
Too many thing happening to a not so great person, me.
It's just me being unlucky.
I can feel my heart hurting right now even though nothing is piercing it.

forgive, forget and just hold on

2010-04-04T00:46:00.002+08:00

I hope we make it through i really do. Losing any of you, would be like losing a part of my life, part of who i am. We've been great friends for about 5 years. These 5 years had a lot of ups and downs. It probably contain the best memories of my life and i don't want it to end just yet. It's just a misunderstanding, all of it. No one is to blame. We all care and love each other to the bottom of our toes, we room-ed with each other and know everyone almost inside out. We just need to listen to each other right now, it isn't about blaming, it isn't about whose stand and who is right or wrong. It's about trust and understanding each other like we always have. This is probably the worst misunderstanding we had, it's all awkward now. We gotta try to fix this, cause we don't want to lose each other. I guess everyone need time to reflect and think. I just hope all of you are okay. Love you girls from the bottom of my heart.

Watched How to train your dragon,
it's a pretty good movie!
i love toothless.
i think clash of titans is better though.

1k05 chalet

2010-04-03T01:13:00.003+08:00

I slept from 7am-8am
9am-12pm.
and came home and slept from 7pm-12am
Chalet..
well the room was pretty screwed
but nevertheless, the people made it fun!
thanks 1k05! would really miss you guys when we change class!
All the funny things happening all the time, i would really miss that.
Sadly, i couldn't stay but it was really awesome though i only stayed a night
I guess we really give a lot to each other, when we buy stuff we buy for everyone.
Everything is just for everyone.
Clash of the Titans at 2.25AM, though i never thought i could stay awake
but it was an awesome movie! woohoo!
and arcade before that was fun too!(:
Thanks guys, love you guys!

avoiding

2010-03-28T23:25:00.003+08:00

I've been running away from everything in front of me. Telling people I'm
okay but the fact that i'm not. I don't know what i've got to do right now, to
believe in people who know me my entire life or to believe in myself. When
presented with only one option that you're unwilling to take or afraid to go,what would you do? When the choice is in fact, not even up to you to decide.When it actually is a road laid out beautifully like icing on a cake. Is it really all that important, why do you keep questioning me? I'm really tired, to hold myself together, to make my stand and to try to live my life the way i want it. Why do you keep creating obstacles when it is all not necessary? Why can't you make it easier for me? You feel like i have it easy, you feel like i'm really useless don't you? Sick and tired of all the things that you say. I think you pretty much view as no future. Maybe it's true because i don't even have faith in myself anymore. Just do what you want. I pretty much give up on going against. I just want everything, all of these, to stop right now.

choosing

2010-03-26T23:58:00.000+08:00

The choice is mine to make and no one else.When you're presented two things that you love equally how am i suppose to make a choice, choosing one over the other. It's nearly impossible. I thought i could let one go, but after almost a year it doesn't seem possible. I still miss the other, i still want it. If the timing is good, everything would be in place. In life, you don't always get what you want. Probably, that's why life ain't easy. The times when i'm not feeling the music and dance, it's the time when i'm questioning myself, can i really dance? Am i meant to do this? I know sports is in my blood, i definitely can do it without much difficulty if i work hard. But, what about dance? When i look at myself in the mirror, i feel like an idiot. Really, because i feel like i look like an absolute retard. I'll just leave it to time i guess. I think i'm just unlucky because the life i have and the road i'm taking or have chosen to take is more difficult than any other i have taken so far.

whip it!

2010-03-25T22:15:00.003+08:00

picture from google

Let me start by saying, please ignore my previous so called "emo" post. i don't even know who on earth i was talking about. Anyone who feels i am talking about them, please do not take it to heart, i'm probably just scolding thin air because i really no idea who it was directed to.

Moving on, today i went out with Divya and Mei Xian aka Kayla. We decided to watch Whip It, it was a totally AWESOME movie! Please go and watch it! After that we just walked around aimlessly because we have no idea what to do. After D left, K and I were walking around Raffles City because she wanted to get a bag. She didn't want to go home without a new bag. At the end of the day, her mum didn't allow her to buy a new bag, i ended up getting a bag that she was considering for the price of $55.90. I think it was on impulse somehow, i do like the bag and definitely in need of a bag that is approximately that size(small). It's from Assessorize. Everything is so expensive there. I'm surprise i even bought something from there. I saw a pouch that i really like, which looks like it's worth $5. It actually cost $21.90. Thank goodness i did not buy it. K suggested we should go Daiso. Maybe we should.

That's all for update, hope tomorrow will be a good day.

changes

2010-03-25T02:31:00.002+08:00

what's happening these days
is me or is it people around me
i try to ignore it
push the feeling away
but it seems all i've been trying to do
is run away from the truth.
i feel so forgotten these days
it really sucks when you treat people as your friend
and they treat you like a nobody
sometimes i wonder are you really my friend?
or are you just saying it cause i'm there?
or for the sake of saying it?
i rather people just tell me straight to my face
then give me some shitass lies or treat me non-existence
when i'm just right in front of your fucking face.
really, if you don't want me there just tell me,
saves your time and mine.
applies to all.
i don't want to be an idiot, who is obviously not welcome
and there getting cold shoulders.
it's been weeks, really i hate it.
and you think i'm stupid not to know anything?
you guys are the ones that saying the latest happenings in front of me
and you guys can go "oh no one tell you?"
please stop being a hypocrite and get the fuck away.
shedding tears, god knows whether is it real
and the whole world just surround you
you've got every fucking shit in your life
i have nothing, not even a full family at home for 5 minutes.
when i cry no one sees, no one knows.
what i have is my pillow, bolster, bed and an empty house to lean on.
friends or no friends, i really don't even know who are my friends
i trust only the closest, the ssp.
cause i know you guys got my back.
laugh all you want, is it really that funny, come to think of it.
just fuck my life.really.
it would really be awesome if it ends right now.

Sand Toe Sa

2010-03-23T23:58:00.000+08:00

Went to Sentosa beach today with K/MX, D, D's Sis, N and R
damn lazy to type name. sorry.
was just a slack day!
and i dropped my camera!
omg, i screamed in the toilet
cause it got caught with my shorts when i was changing
and it flipped, fell on the ground
ouch.
and the side chipped a little bit
i am sad.
thank goodness there is the cover.
ate Subway for dinner! woohoo!
slept in the bus!

tomorrow 10AM in school for costume claim!
GOOD LUCK CROSS COUNTRY PEOPLE!(:

i decided to read conversation history today
somehow i could laugh
i just wish we could always talk like that.
i wish you notice.

Update: GEM 5 and Flair Production

2010-03-22T21:41:00.006+08:00

haven't been updating.
so now i shall do a long post to make up for it.
Friday and Saturay was GEM 5 : The Labyrinth, TPDE production
We only had 2 weeks plus to 3 weeks, to prepare for the concert
it was scary, stressful, painful and definitely exhausting.
complains, grumbles and unhappiness about everything existed of course,
because not only do we have to worry about dance and formations,
also the props, which were huge and complicated.
but i'm really happy that we made it!
we put up a pretty good show for the audience!(:
really have to thank a lot of people, cause without them
i never would have make it, neither the concert.

i don't know how long i would be in TPDE,

but really enjoyed this concert.

1) Ryan, Gin and An An
Thank you for helping to put everything together with the transitions and all.
For giving us awesome advices to help us improve.
Also, constantly motivating each and everyone,
making concert less stressful and more fun.

2) TPDE
Everyones' effort, regardless in props or dance played a part into making GEM 5 a success. It has been a wonderful and memorable journey. Maybe due to the time constraint of the concert, it brought us closer and stronger than before.
Thank you(:

3) Choreographers: Joey, Jun Wei, Keith and Shauna

Thanks for everything you have taught me.

I learnt a lot of stuff from each of you.

and would really look forward to learning from you guys again, if there are other chances

4) Bro and Sis.
you probably know who you guys are, maybe you don't feel special.
but in some ways, you guys are, inside my heart.
for fun, laughter, sadness or tiredness, we share with each other.
grumbles and worries we share it too.
i know i can always count on you guys.
Thank you so much for everything, for always being there whenever things happen.
May our love for dance continue to grow and all of keep dancing together(:

5)) K/MX, N, D, G and M
Thank you guys for coming down to support(:
though it's not a track competition, maybe it's something you probably don't really know how to appreciate. but really appreciate that you make the effort to come and watch me perform, for always supporting me no matter what decisions i make.
i don't know if i'll ever get back on the track, but if i don't. i know you guys will be there always.
MX, N and D, friends till the end yeah? i remember we always talk about when we grow old and our teeth falls, we'll laugh about all the nonsense we do in our teens.haha!

6) Everyone that came to support or gave moral support
Thank you(: greatly appreciate it!

Putting aside GEM 5, i watched Flair Nation Production on Sunday
It was a prety good showcase i got to say.
Good job guys(: Really improved from the last time i saw all of you(:
went to eat with the poppers after that! fun fun(:
after train-ing to bugis, saw Mei Qi, Jean Tan, Ah foong and Timothy at the bus stop
they look so tired cause of the i am the system vetting!
rest well guys!

i didn't go anywhere today, stayed home the whole day
it rained heavily, which was really sad!
but oh well, it was a good rest day(:
update soon. toodles people!