failed to be on task
Friday, September 19, 2008 @ 8:15 PM
do you know what it's like
to feel so in the dark
and to dream of seeing the light
that represents hope
okay it's friday
i decided to type without grammatical errors this time
instead of "its"
i typed "it's"
which is equivalent to "it is"
remembered it cause of english class today
which meant i got back my english marks already
didn't do well
only 9 people passed comprehension
apparently i failed.
got 10/25 for compre excluding summary i guess
i not too sure comprehension is upon how much
i think it's 50
oh well.
i'm guessing i either got a B3/B4/C5
for english not too sure
screwed up once more.
nice.
i average got a C5 for all my subjects
not even 1 B3
well done amanda
so what exactly happened?
i got no idea.
if my english is a B3 L1R5:
=27
this sucks
if english is a B4 L1R5
=28
if its a C5 L1R5
=29
nice..
almost 30
what the crap.
almost 30
its worst than mid years
at least mid years i had like a few Bs
i only got 1 B?
how pathetic
i'm going to mug like hell from now
can i do it?
what's holding me back
it's just not the usually me
like the teachers said it is unlike me to do so badly
i know i'm losing my direction
somehow.
i dont know why
my mind keeps drifting away
and i find it really hard to concentrate
i'm losing my photographic memory
i'm so afraid
so afraid i would screw up o's
based on my peformance now
i know i probably would.
it would be a major blow
i swear its not that im not studying
i really just don't know what's happening to me
and it's not only now it started pretty long ago
but i thought it was nothing
now it sort of got worst
i just can't take it
does anyone hear me.
does anyone understand how i feel
i just feel like giving it all up now
is it worth it.
i'm praying that i'm a fighter.
and do not ask me to take a break
you don't want to know how much break/rest i take
you might even be wondering if i study at all
a lot of times i wonder and wished
i could just end my life
right here right now
maybe the world would be a lot better
and maybe..
i would feel better too.
i simply just lost my way now.
sometimes i wished i could just ignore the world
and just be like the past
free.
from worries
i just want to be seriously happy again.
most importantly,
i just need to find myself again.
me.
i'm still very much sorta in love with you
do you know
you're always at the back my head
every single minute of the day
back to the point once again
and i barely even know you