Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark? To be caught up in all those mess called life that you never wanted to be in. Well I do. It feels like a frustrating moment every single day of your life, it feels like you try to be happy but you never seem to truly be. To lose the smile you wish you could keep, to be overwhelm with darkness the moment you close your doors, to only feel truly happy when i'm unconscious. I never wanted to be this monster, I know who i want to be. I want to be that girl, the good one, the one that everyone wants to be. I want to be pretty, smart and just the girl next door. But, i can't. Home is my darkness, home doesn't feel like home. There are days I thought, it's gonna be good. but it never was, it never did. The smell of smoke and ashes fill the air like I'm stuck in the fire, the smell I feel i could never get away from. To fill like you can never breathe a fresh air again, because it seems like it never existed. None of it matters. What I wanted was not the fresh air. All i needed was help, I said it out loud but no one can hear me. When i get frustrated, they say take your time because you're making everyone else angry. How can i not be angry, how can i be calm? When i feel time is running out, I can't barely breathe and no one was willing to help me? I can't even be a little angry, a little frustrated? What kind of life or a lie am i living? Where every tear, every anger I could only do it behind closed doors.Sometimes I wanna say, I'm done with this and just get away. But where can i go? What am I gonna do? For the first time, I really felt I had no one. Sometimes I used to think, it was the work, the money. Right now, I feel like shit, the least important thing to be concern about. A burden. But I'm not ready to give up right now. Someday a change is gonna come.