today is such a tiring day
my body is aching
and dammit it i'm on straits times
train some really slacked programme today
and danced before that too.
was damn dead.halfway through just laid on the floor.

went for dinner with Jamie, Meixian and Noreen
had a good laugh

should i change blog skin?
wanted to, but lazy. i should answer my question of
should i change blog link?

should i change email?
should i go for course? if yes what?
questions and more questions.
indecisive.

i miss the feeling of looking forward to wednesday night class
now what should i look forward to?

you're still on my mind

what a day
went to sentosa with bhaama,mei xian and noreen today
suppose to go palawan beach end up walking the wrong way
took a tram instead.good laugh

didn't expect to have a trial game.
so much for meeting
thought it was just talking.
so it was like a ten minutes game
but we had a short break after 5 minutes
the actual game doesn't have break i think
i swear i was dead tired and my soles hurt like mad
cause it was so HOT
and i wasn't even wearing proper shorts
didn't bring extra clothes.GREAT



after all the pain went for dance class=)
LAST LESSON OF HIP HOP 3!
omg, i think i'm gonna miss the people in there
after all the laughs and stuff.
today was fun, we learn a new technique from xiaohei
she said it would help co ordination
but it's like damn difficult please
i still don't get it
and it's warm up for the japanese people
i was like OMG.
then it was practice choreo
and split into groups
luqman,swan lin and me were in one group
and after choreo. had to do freestyle 4 8s
i was so scared for freestyle
thank goodness i survived.haha
and had loads of people freestyle after that

class photo after that(above)
whoever took the photo was a failure,
it was blurred to the max
took twice somemore
sigh
oh well at least can be seen.
i'm gonna miss the after class parts too
the "dinner and drinks" with Alisha
wednesdays are gonna be so boring now!
anyway <3>
see you guys soon i guess!

now fretting over, should i take course?
if i do, should it be popping or LA/Lyrical Hip hop?
dammit.
why do you have so little confidence?
what do you want from dance?
make up your mind.

why does it always have to be this way
i wish i could run away
i wish i was dead sometimes
it's getting more difficult to imagine the future with the words that you say
gloomy,dark, the road to the unknown, nowhere

do i not matter
why do you have to make things so difficult
why do you have always put me down
working so hard seems futile
the reason why i worked so hard is simply to show you
that i can study and not as dumb as i seem
i know i'm not good enough
with a 6 subjects 18 points is low
i tried alright.
when people see the 6 subjects 18 points
they say " oh quite okay what, not bad"
but you have to say " why so low"
dammit, i don't know what to say dad
maybe i'm just not good enough, i was never good enough
never as good as bro.
he's always the one you cared about
he's future is always bright, while mine is dark
leading nowhere
he didn't study THAT hard and get into a university
even if i study really hard, which i did
i know you doubt i can even get into one
he went into junior college so he's the smart one
i know you're not happy with my choice to TP
and please its making me sick when you try to fake it
i know you want me to go NYP, no actually JC
if not you won't keep asking me
why the other schools never offer me, only TP offer
i explained to you like THREE TIMES
the posting system is based on your effing choice
if you get in one, they won't sent you a whole list to pick again
and when i finally got my enrolment package
all you have to say is
poly got so many nonsense stuff
which you apparently don't care about
seriously, if you're happy i should just quit school
save all the money which you're always worrying about for me
spent it on your cigarettes for all i care
if im such a financial burden, if you want me dead just say so
ends everything, i bet is so much better for you

bro, sometimes you're nice but sometimes you're just an ass
everything i do.everything i ever love about my life for 17 years
my dreams, my passion is all gone
you wanna know why? its all because of a YOU
you're always making me feel inferior to you
i really love playing sports and dancing
but when i wanna try something new
all you have to say is "you can't make it"
i know you're good, no, damn good in dance
am i THAT bad, i gave up track
do i just give up dance?
i think i should never do both things ever?
makes you happy doesn't it?
i ran for 7 years, and in the middle
when you said i was lousy, i gave up tryin' to fight to be better
cause what's the use
i won in sec two, but the passion was already dead.
sec 3 and sec4 my heart was dead
when i said i wanna play volleyball
you laughed and said forget it cannot make it

mum you're probably the person whom so called
care the most
but the way you care doesn't feel like care
the only two questions you ask me everyday
"eaten your dinner already?" and "tomorrow you going out"
is more like a chore to you
rather than care and concern
i rather you not ask if its such a chore
listening to it, i get irritated myself
at home we don't even speak 5 sentences to each other
you're smoking like an addict i know
i tried to stop you but you dont wanna listen
i gave up trying
going near you is like throwing myself in a fire
the smoke that surrounds you stuff my lungs
kills my nose and my whole body
you know i've got sinus
you know why i've got it even
yet, nothing changes.
seriously i'll die breathing in second hand smoke everyday
if i die before you, thanks a lot.

after all that is said, the finale
stop acting like we're really bonded or you know me
you don't even know a shite about me
every sunday's family dinner
is just a table with dishes to me
you guys are there or not, doesn't seem to make a different
eating alone at home feels exactly the same
everyday, no one is at home
why im always going out and you're worrying about transport fee?
maybe cause no one is hardly home.
and i can't possibly stone at home
you know what, honestly home doesn't feel like home at all
sports school is really like a second home.
if i could i stay there.do you know what is like to feel like i don't have a family
our home is like a rubbish junk, filthy.
and so many things i ask you guys to throw
yet its there, cause it can be use.
fuck just throw the damn thing
cause you say that but never touch it.
you say i never clear my stuff?
it's all books, and since you like it messy
i give you messy.and i don't even have place to put my stuff
the cupboard bro and i share in my room irritates me
he comes in at 8am to take his clothes
the house is like a clothing pool.dammit
if its within my power to move out
i certainly would.
and honestly if you guys can't see it
our family is not what it used to be
oh wait, do you even care?

i cried on the last day of school as i am now
i said sports school is my runway land, its really my home away from home
i cried because i dont know if im out and when i have problems
where can i run to now.now i can't run anywhere
can't do anything to take away all the pain
try as i may to be happy
but its permanent in my heart
its just that no one sees it anymore
i try not to think about it
but as school approaches and more problem arise
i can't put it aside
but what can i do?
i'm just me, i'm really at my wits
i think i'm at a dead end right now.
maybe i wasn't meant to live

birthday was AWESOME
thanks to all who wished me and the people who made my day
Hin Ann,Noreen,Meixian,Divya,Dom and Malcolm
even though Meixian only came after bowling
and Noreen came after everything for like 5 minutes
still, thank you guys!

what we did..
first lunch at cafe cartel, seriously the main course absolutely weird
everything else taste fine
went arcade for awhile, apparently got a few free games in some machine
haha!
then bowled 3 games! woohoo!
i tied with dom for the first game
but through scissors paper stone, i won!
second game
dom trashed me
third game i trashed dom

after that went orchard
ate at cineleisure
hin ann and malcolm left
so yeah left 4 of us
dom,divya,meixian and myself
went lvl 9 played
GUITAR HEROES
it's extremely addictive!

okay i should stop going on
all in all, AWESOME
but im 17
i feel old.
stuck in the middle of 16 and 18
sigh

i slept from 2AM to 5AM
three hours..woah
worked
aussie footskill soccer team is here
until saturday.
hope everything goes well

was watching centre stage:turn it up
i think it's a pretty good movie
wonder why so many critics

and my house computer is screwed
so can't use computer much

if only you could see
if only i could have that one dance
i'll show you everything i can be

Saturday i went for dance class
Alex wasn't around
so Ben took over the class
mann, he's hilarious.so he made class fun.
he taught us a few techniques
and apparently a few of us are kinda unlucky
to stand at a place where the air-con is not working
my bro, his gf,the malay dude from my dance course and his friend(jeremy) plus me.
but the choreo was fun too=)

after dance class went to meixian's house to bathe
took a bus to kallang to meet divya
then went Pasir Ris park to meet the people
got there at about 6 plus
stayed awake all the way by playing cards,talking,walking,drinking drinks
i drank like two cans of coke, two cans of jolly, F&N cherry,seasons Apple tea
totally full.
dad came about 5.45AM to fetch me to school.

so i'm awake since Saturday 2AM
didn't sleep till now.crazy man.
don't know what i'm gonna do in the afternoon
feel like watching movie..but wanna sleep awhile first i guess.
but if i sleep, later at night cannot sleep

countdown birthday on monday
still got no idea what to do.
don't know who is free to celebrate with me.
sigh

by the way, thanks who signed the card and for the present
you know who you are.
thanks!=)
much loves guys
xoxo

i got so much to think about
when i look to the sky
ignore me
that's what always happen
why does it hurt so much this time.
all i can do is envy those around me

slept at 4.30AM yesterday
woke up at 1.30PM

did nothing the whole day
except watching tv
until it was 5 i got ready to go for dance course

went for xiaohei's dance course
i think it's the 5th lesson
Alisha didn't go today
so i felt quite lonely
cause no one to talk to.
but the routine and stuff is still kinda fun.

watched dirty dancing : havana nights
on channel 5
it was an awesome movie
well i think ballroom is cool
should have learnt it
but oh well. long story

i wonder how many failed attempts of not speaking singlish i have
i'm still gonna try
if i slang, pardon me.
i'm not acting.

i don't know how to make you see me
so many times, i can see all the possiblities
but do you? probably not.
if only the dreams was real
it felt so alive, like it was really happening
but when i open my eyes
everything was gone
all that was left, was thoughts
i just wish i could have one dance with you.
one that never ends or one that will leave me with no regrets
leave me with memories to reminise.
i can see us on that dancefloor

okay yesterday had netball training with ira and meixian
well it wasn't like training training
but it was just like a fun session
know the rules and stuff like that
after that went dinner with jamie and fudin.

today is gonna be a pretty boring day
i got nothing on the whole afternoon
because i can't find a single person to go out with

at night i got dance course
apparently Alisha is not gonna be there
so all alone.which is totally scary because
i'll look like an idiot in class.

probably i'll go watch a movie alone?
nah. i think i'll get a dvd and watch it at home.
it's nicer that way
in the cinema is TOO LONELY.

i dreamt of you
yet i can't remember the dream
all i remember is seeing you
the almost perfect you.

i trained today, amazingly.
but was quite a slack kinda thing
then after that went to eat macs with
meixian,min,safirul,jiafa and farhan
it was a good meal, in that sense we have a lot of fun and laughter
stories and more stories told.

the best joke of the day
is by HABIBAH.
to not mentioned names i'll use A and B as the people we're talking about
Gina was telling Meixian and I about A&B.
Gina: You don't believe you ask LiangWei or Habbs they also know.
Meixian turns around
Meixian:Eh A&B break already?
Habibah:No..Fartleg 3 minutes

after like 10 seconds.everyone burst out laughing
Gina and me was like. wth?
NO LINK!
Habibah replied that cause they were having break(rest)
after jogging. so that explains the reply.
i swear she is damn cute.

in the windless, soundless silent night
simply makes me think of you
thoughts of you make my heart melt
thoughts of you simply makes my day
and it brings a smile to my face
if only you can see me
if only i was visible to you
i pray and i wish
but after all, based on a typical person who is like you
i know it's not possible.
i'm still hoping.

since it's sunday cause it's 2AM
YESTERDAY was my CHINESE BIRTHDAY
my mum reminded me.well it doesn't matter anyway
every 6th day of chinese new year is my chinese birthday
cause i was born on the 6th day of chinese new year
so my mum gave me a red packet!
on the 7th day of chinese new year, it's "ren ren sheng ri"
so it's everyone's birthday.HAHA!
if you believe in the chinese thing, then
happy birthday to you

went jurong birpark with the koreans the other day
it wasn't that bad
i like the king of the skies show
where they showed all the amazing eagles and vultures.

some pictures

longest/highest waterfall in singapore