Dear God,
i don't know if you would hear me. i don't know if you would want to hear me. but whatever it is, i do hope you listen. There are many people who believe in you, i don't know if i am, but maybe someday i will be. My grand aunt prayed to you for many years and she have always been doing good things; passing down what she has learnt and spread the word about you. Now she's in the hospital, not sure what is ahead of her, but still she has God in her heart. She prays hoping you would answer and listen. She's ill, all she said she needed was to rest and pray. I really hope you bless her with good health and heal her. I'm not a strong believer like her, but what she tells me, i do listen and trust. That's why i hope you hear me, from the bottom of my heart, i pray. I hope this family would stay together.

Love,
Amanda

Signed up for master class!, this year managed to sign up early.
So went for Take's house class! it was awesome fun!
Take is so funny, and a really good teacher.
obviously, he's dope! woohoo!:D
learnt a lot!

After Take's class, it's Yokoi's hip hop! back to back
well i died in this class!
it's ultra tiring, i was super duper duper wet!
and i hardly catch my breath during the class, i was panting throughout
Andy couldn't take it and sat down.
after looking at Yokoi during wam up
i immediately concluded: Yokoi is freaking DOPE, crazy, and his groove is out of this universe
when he started teaching the first 8 of the choreo i was like:
G.G
the choreo was freaking fast, not impossible to catch
but really fast and there was a lot of jumping stuff
therefore, hardly able to breathe. lol!
but awesome class, besides learning a lot
i think i manage to level up probably by 1%
haha! i suddenly can catch choreo faster.
love the class!
oh and thanks Edison for 'dying' with me for both classes!

didn't go for popping snow's class the next day
but manage to see some classes
like Yokoi's second class, Hok's class and Hanai's soul class!
Awesome! i wish i had the money!
and i signed up for Daniel's house! woohoo!
Saw the poppers going for popping snow's class!
took photo with them, haven't seen them for so long!
saw krazybonez and popping snow too!:D
nice people!

The Big Groove concert!! was awesome of course
damn pissed of with the blackcard line, but anyway!
i love all the performances! everyone was dope!
WCO FTW! and i like the indonesia crew cause they really seem to tell a story
almost teared in their performance!
but most memorable thing, is that Boi Boi is back! woooo!
for a few weeks at least!,so happy to see him at TBG concert!
Sadly, he's not staying in Singapore permanently anymore!
really miss this little recital mate of mine! take care!:D

The past week
After that was rush projects like mad
I'm literally going mad because of AM/FEM project
plus track and dance
i keep feeling guilty because i keep having to skip one
i wish my schedule would just fall into place!

today was a tiring day!
went for tpde training
did self track training with K
eat Sushi Tei! woohoo!
and walk around
manage to catch NDP airplanes and tanks!
wooo!
pictures soon!

Words can lift you up but it can kick you straight into the ground. When words are spoken, whether you like it or not, it's already said. Words make me think, sometimes i hardly know myself anymore. I doubt myself as a person, who am i. I think i don't deserve to live, so what am i doing on earth still breathing? I really don't know. It's difficult to see things you don't wanna see, things you aren't doing right, things you're suppose to care about but never did. I'm doing everything wrong. Everything. I'm a horrible person. I pray at night hoping to make my family's life better, i think it's futile. I want to believe in changes, but i can't see it. Where's the light.Maybe my bro is right, i'm useless. I'm never smart in the family, i'm never good enough, i'm never anywhere. People don't hear me, people don't see me. The only time is when they really need me. When i talk, no one hears a thing i'm saying, and i have to repeat or just pretend i didn't say anything. I believe in being nice to others, because i know what its like to be treated like crap and thrown aside, but i think no one appreciates it. I think no one gives a shit about friendliness now. Now, it's all fame and status, being dope and all. I'm fucking sick and tired of this life i'm living. I'm neither here nor there, i'm just being where i am. It's not that i'm unhappy being where i am, is just that i feel i don't belong anywhere. Track, i seriously have no idea; dance, is like there's a line somewhere; school i'm just someone; home, i'm just a little girl. I just can't fit in anywhere, can i.

The strangest thing is that, i feel much more at peace alone. Being alone, i can find myself, i don't have to listen to comments or anything other than my own heart. I don't even know what i want anymore, how i'm feeling because i can hardly hear my heart crying. I can hardly hear my own thoughts, i can hardly see myself as me anymore. I just want to be myself again. I cry and tear in my room, i don't know the reason why, but all i can feel is pain in my heart and my soul. I feel the main but i don't know why. I hope it would heal, i always pray for this pain to go away cause i feel like shit. But it doesn't.

Probably everything i say here doesn't make sense.FML
i remember the first time, i really told my mum how i felt was went my dad scolded me and my family was at my grand aunt's place. I cried and told her, how many times i actually felt like just going away. maybe it's once in a blue moon i'll say something like that. cause i like keeping things to myself. i feel most comfortable. But after that 'confession', i felt really bad i think i hurt my mum pretty bad. complicated world. shall stop for now.