Bobby's house workshop

Haven't been blogging this week
reason being,
school is INSANE
projects.
i hate you
AM/FEM and Intro L&R
so many things to do!
and deadline is approaching!

anyway, it rained today
i had to bring the large umbrella out
i was late for class thanks to the rain and the bus.
it's FEM, i got A for my report, which was an absolute surprise
because i thought my report i wrote a lot of crap
surprisingly, it worked?!
then had intro L&R lecture
i was dozing off,
the atmosphere was way too good for sleeping

finally, went for Bobby Mileage's House workshop
i thought it was awesome, even though i struggled most of the time
i learnt new stuff and had fun!
there's a lot to house and i just wanna find out more
Although, the warm up was tiring and well house is a tiring dance
requires a lot of endurance
but, i think it's fun, the music is awesome and of course the dance
second time at an official house class i think i did pretty alright!
will keep working hard!
thanks Bobby!

what i remembered:
Loose legs, Train, Farmer, Dolphin dive, i don't know the names of the remaining.
shall find out soon

Where is home? Where is the place when i feel loved as a kid? What happen to all the love in this small family? I thought everything was getting better day by day. I thought we were getting by just fine. I thought by avoiding this little family would be pieced together again. Maybe all of us were just pretending, maybe everything wasn't fine and it was all a lie.

Just a little quarrel and a few shouts was all it takes to throw reality in my face. It hurts. That's all i can say, i thought it wouldn't matter to me. I thought it wouldn't hurt inside anymore, i thought i was numb to the pain. After what happened, i realise i do care because no matter what happens, we're still a family. Even though it's always about the same thing, cause the pain feels exactly the same, i'm still not numb to it. I really hate it.

Tears roll down my face everyday, every night in my own little room. I've never been like this before. All i feel is pain and everyday i just feel like ripping myself apart to stop it. I can feel my heart breaking,literally, but i don't know how to stop it from hurting. Part of me knows why things are like that, part of me is just trying to not think about it. I'm human too, not a robot. I can't believe in my own room i'm stopping myself from crying and I tell myself "i'm strong" but the fact is, i'm not. I pray every night just to make myself feel that everything is alright, i pray to God everyday saying "i hope everything is okay" when i don't even know if he hears me. When would this stop, really.

Listening to songs from my childhood, i remember the songs i use to lisen s a lullaby. I remember the memories in my previous house, all the little happy funny moments. I don't remember a sad memory. But now, it's like there isn't a single happy memory in this house of mine. Not a day would everyone be a home, most of the time it's only me. If not, my bro and my mum. This family is incomplete most of the time, well that's okay, but what's worst it that i feel it's falling apart. I can hardly find my way home. Not literally home, i know where my house is of course. But, the feel of belonging to one. Home is suppose to be filled with warmth, happiness and probably where you feel safest. But, home now to me, is somewhere lonely, somewhere empty, somewhere i'm afraid of showing my emotions. This is what home is to me now. and my family i can't even find words to describe what it is now.

Among all these pain, why can't i find a little spark that makes everything better?

i had nothing to do today
was home the whole day
watched finish Human Trafficking
and did pretty much nothing.
i'm becoming lazy.
found this thingy on K's blog
so just decided to copy from her
since i'm so bored.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF

1. I wish i had a more unique english name
2. I don't comb my hair after taking a bath at night
3. I am a very indecisive person
4. I'm in two CCAs
5. I'm allergic to dust/ dust mites
6. I hate the smell of smoke
7. I'm pure chinese, not peranakan or mix-.-
8. I like singing to myself
9. I don't dress up nicely most of the time
10. I think a lot


NINE THINGS YOU’VE THOUGHT ABOUT RECENTLY

1. Shopping for clothes
2. Pixar Exhibition at Science Centre
3. Whether i'm in the right course
4. Dance and track
5. Family/ friends
6. Future boyfriend
7. What have i been as person
8. How should i plan out my day when there is so many clashes
9. The Past


EIGHT WAYS TO WIN YOUR HEART

1. Love/Like Me for who i am, not appearances
2. Don't smoke or drink
3. Be there for me
4. Share happiness or woes with me
5. Be honest
6. Make me laugh
7. Sincerity
8. Taller than me


SEVEN THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD DO.

1. Travel and see what's beyong Singapore
2. Spend more time with my family
3. Speak Koean and Japanese
4. Help all the less fortunate and make their lives better
5. Cook/Bake
6. Revamp my entire house
7. Run all my life


SIX THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP.

1. Yawn
2. Close my eyes
3. Pray
4. Switch off the lights
5. Fluff my pillow
6. Think about stuff


FIVE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO FIVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT.

1. Sometimes i think about you
2. I wish i can do something to change all of these
3. Catch up soon
4. I don't understand why everything is so different
5. I wanna go back to the past


FOUR THINGS YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW.

1. Thinking
2. This
3. Breathing
4. Blinking my eyes


THREE THINGS YOU’RE SCARED OF

1. Getting hurt
2. Paranormal
3. Being Alone


TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. Travel the world
2. Meet someone special


ONE CONFESSION

1. I dream of people i do not know

really great meeting you girls(:
love you girls from the bottom of my heart
hopefully we won't forget each other
and we'll meet up more often!
we need to catch up ya know

anyway this week is gonna be crazy and it is
too many birthdays
i wanna go Pixar,
maybe i can go tomorrow.
i mean i finally get a free day.
and i definitely don't feel like using it to dance or run.

Today all i did was went for track training
Mr Tang took over,
never been under him before
but he's a really nice, funny guy
all we did was warm-up, stretching and drills
and i feel as if i can't walk tomorrow
drills was already a killer for us
i never knew lunges could be so tiring
and i didn't know how important it is.
actually i didn't know how important any of the drill
like how it actually plays a part in running
now i do, after today's training that is.
but even though i felt like dying
i kinda liked it!
somehow it was a pretty fun session(:

i think what people say
really gives certain motivation,
after what Mr Tang said about running mechanics
and when he corrects a drills
when i sort of understand;
i somehow got motivated and he ask if i felt 'shiok'
after doing a drills sort of right
apparently it did.
i guess the satisfaction was unexpected
and i guess i can sum up what sports can give me:
relaxation, satisfaction, enjoyment and..
i think there's more, can't think a the moment

not that dance cannot give me those.
i guess just different kind.
i never felt that 'woah' feeling when i dance
like the overwhelming kind
it's just different.
wonder why.

Looking at the photos i have
i wish i could turn back time and experience everything all over
i know there are moments and memories
but yet it wasn't all captured on film.
i know memories don't live on photos
it lives in the heart.

Retain the good memories, but don't throw away the bad ones either
the bad memories; is very much hated
however no matter how much you hate it
It is still important, it is part of who you are
bad memories are still memories, they let you reminisce the past
without them, even the good memories doesn't exist.

so, hope for a better tomorrow.
let the days be happy, and memories you gain would be good.
saw something from the fighting spiders
can't remember the exact words, i know its about hope.
"hope replenishes your soul, so don't lose hope"

I envy those families who give each other unlimited amount of support
i envy the love between them, that fills the air.
even through the television i can feel them.
I wonder when would that day come for me.
i wonder when will someone give me that unlimited support and love.
Being in the same house, and being related to one another.
yet there is always a barrier that separates all of us.
Is it because of the life we lead, is it because of the situation we're in
i don't ask for much, i just ask for a little quality time.
but nevertheless, i won't lose hope
i'll just keep moving all on my own
till the day i find that something i've been looking for

Accounting test today
okay i have a lot of stupid mistakes
but i should be able to pass the paper
i'm leaving this behind.

When to Bugis with Anita, to find her dress
bought a pair of shoe and some other stuff
stoned for very long, thinking whether i should buy clothes
decided to save money, cause i'm broke
and buy another day.
Walk around Bugis for very long
Saw Yuechao that idiot, very long never dance.
Went to library to read comics.
i think i should go to the library again haha!
it's kinda fun.
but i was wasting my time to decide whether to go Super Jam
so i did go in the end

Super Jam was fun
I was 'lucky',
my first round i meet Marzipan. haha!
no auditions cause only got 16.
well, i think everyone levelled up,
which is scary!
Kie Loong won! woohoo!
but everyone was dope today(:
cyphered after that

Tomorrow project whole day!
go go go!