2011
Friday, December 31, 2010 @ 1:30 AM
Thank you guys for being part of my life, it means a lot to me.There are others but no photos. Sorry.
Every year, at this very time, I'll be doing the same thing. Typing out my resolutions for the coming year and reflections for the past year. Most of the time, I feel rather good doing it because it helps me to know I'm still me.
So 2010 has been probably one of the toughest years of my life because I had to cope with so many things. Track, Dance and Studies. It has never been easy making decisions, but it is even harder when you have to do it all the time. I know it's going to get much harder from here, but i'm going to try and make it work somehow.I know i'm not superwoman or God, but whatever stuff i do, i'm going to give my best. I can't believe 2010 is coming to an end, although it doesn't feel like much difference. Somehow many events in 2010 definitely made an impact in my life and I'll definitely remember for the rest of my life. The most significant one is definitely O school Recital, I like how our item bonded, i miss all the retarded moments we had during trainings and sessions. i miss all the fun! I never regret being in this item. Hope we get to perform together again! zombies!(: In addition, I love TP Sprints Team, our bond is rather stronger maybe cause we knew each other for quite some time. I really love the crazy jokes we make after training and i know it won't stop, so that's great! Let's take revenge for POL-ITE Games. Despite all these good memories, the thing is a lot of people don't know or actually no one really knows what i'm thinking at all. I laugh, i joke, i smile but, throughout the whole 2010, all i have in me was mainly fear. I'm afraid of my very own life, my very own schedule and my strength. I'm afraid because i don't know if i would be able to cope, every single day while doing one thing, at the back of my mind i have to worry about the other. I'm afraid of clashes, afraid of what I cannot attend, afraid that i would not be able to make it work. I've given so much up, especially social life just to do these things that i want to do. I always wonder if i made the right decisions because i'm only young once. I always thought i was strong, until the day before i flew to Sydney i fell sick and fainted in my own home. That was the first time i fainted and that was when i realize how vulnerable i could be. The feeling of fainting was scary, i was walking and i couldn't see anything,everything suddenly turned pitch dark and i couldn't feel my legs, i just fell to the ground not knowing whether i hit my head or anything. I just laid there wondering if i'm still alive. I'm afraid that one day i get so tired and just faint on the streets, not being able to get home. I'm afraid of losing myself, afraid of not knowing where i'm going and what i'm gonna do next. This whole 2010 has been like that for me. Simply fear and a little bit of happiness.
So 2010 has been probably one of the toughest years of my life because I had to cope with so many things. Track, Dance and Studies. It has never been easy making decisions, but it is even harder when you have to do it all the time. I know it's going to get much harder from here, but i'm going to try and make it work somehow.I know i'm not superwoman or God, but whatever stuff i do, i'm going to give my best. I can't believe 2010 is coming to an end, although it doesn't feel like much difference. Somehow many events in 2010 definitely made an impact in my life and I'll definitely remember for the rest of my life. The most significant one is definitely O school Recital, I like how our item bonded, i miss all the retarded moments we had during trainings and sessions. i miss all the fun! I never regret being in this item. Hope we get to perform together again! zombies!(: In addition, I love TP Sprints Team, our bond is rather stronger maybe cause we knew each other for quite some time. I really love the crazy jokes we make after training and i know it won't stop, so that's great! Let's take revenge for POL-ITE Games. Despite all these good memories, the thing is a lot of people don't know or actually no one really knows what i'm thinking at all. I laugh, i joke, i smile but, throughout the whole 2010, all i have in me was mainly fear. I'm afraid of my very own life, my very own schedule and my strength. I'm afraid because i don't know if i would be able to cope, every single day while doing one thing, at the back of my mind i have to worry about the other. I'm afraid of clashes, afraid of what I cannot attend, afraid that i would not be able to make it work. I've given so much up, especially social life just to do these things that i want to do. I always wonder if i made the right decisions because i'm only young once. I always thought i was strong, until the day before i flew to Sydney i fell sick and fainted in my own home. That was the first time i fainted and that was when i realize how vulnerable i could be. The feeling of fainting was scary, i was walking and i couldn't see anything,everything suddenly turned pitch dark and i couldn't feel my legs, i just fell to the ground not knowing whether i hit my head or anything. I just laid there wondering if i'm still alive. I'm afraid that one day i get so tired and just faint on the streets, not being able to get home. I'm afraid of losing myself, afraid of not knowing where i'm going and what i'm gonna do next. This whole 2010 has been like that for me. Simply fear and a little bit of happiness.
As much as i hope 2011 will be a better year for me, apparently its not going to be.
POL-ITE, Juste Debout, GEMS 6 and not to mention my SIP. Apparently they are all happening around the same time, i don't know if it's a prank on me or what. But it is certainly not funny.
I don't know what my 2011 resolutions are, but here goes.
1) cope with everything and not let my gpa drop
2) be happier and less fearful of my life
3) lose weight
4) be a better friend
5) improve in dance
6) be stronger
7) learn to make better decisions
I don't have a proper resolution because everything is just so jumble up now that i don't even know how to face my life, my schedule and everything else. I just hope that i won't lose myself in this crazy life of mine. Cause i feel like i am. I hardly know what kind of person am i. So many things are happening and i don't know whether to defend myself or think for others. It's really killing me slowly.
Updates
Tuesday, December 28, 2010 @ 11:48 PM
So what's up?
Foreign Bodies production on the 18th was dope shit!
I love the whole thing! Funk items plus the hip hop items was dope shit!
I hope GEMS is as good as this
And of course,
Christmas! woohoo!
It's the 4th day of Christmas, 8 more days to go.
On Christmas eve, i'm proud to say i did my track training!
At night, even though i was lazy i made my way to sportsmen bar to chill.
Sat there and listen to the live band, looking at old timers dance.
Christmas day i went to watch SYDC concert, their dance was really good(:
Christmas dinner at Baystreet 21 at IMM, missed the place! Used to go there every weekend!
It's going to be the end of the holidays, i still have loads to do!
M.I.C.E stuff, U-Art etc.
Having SIP interview this Thursday, hope everything goes well!
laughs
Thursday, December 23, 2010 @ 2:18 AM
I can't stop reading Yono's facebook status, it's really too funny.
Here goes, enjoy!
"I know all of you think that Santa Claus is a fat white guy. but trust me he's a skinny black man.Who else can break into your house in the middle of the night without you knowing.
SANTA CLAUS IS A BLACK MAN.- Yono"
frustrations
Tuesday, December 21, 2010 @ 12:32 AM
You know i really hate the feeling when i treat people nice, like they're my good friends/brothers/sisters. But, after awhile they just leave me hanging and throw me aside.
Is it that difficult to treat someone the way they suppose to be treated?
And I can't believe how much people have changed.
When I thought it was all good, it's probably a facade.
Am I really too nice? because I don't feel that I am.
Someone once told me before I started my poly life:
"You have to stop thinking for others and start thinking for yourself"
I wish I listened, I wish I could do that.
I remember replying that it's just not me to only think for myself because I'm like that.
I want people around me to be happy so that i can be happy to.
Recently, i realize everyone may be happy except me.
I really hate it.
My life is a mess.
The truth is, I dread coming home other than the times i feel like sleeping because i know i'll be alone. I hate it when i look forward to seeing everyone at home but, to only find out that i'm the only one. It's a family that doesn't feel like one. I miss the times in sports school. It feels more like a home to me than my own home.
it's all random thoughts. toodles
Sunday, December 19, 2010 @ 2:58 AM
When you get caught in the rain
With no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down, don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is
I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close
Don't be afraid, there's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you, you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say
I can make it through the rain, I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
I can make it through the rain
As I live once again
And I live one more day
I can make it through the rain
Yes you can
You gonna make it through the rain
movin' on
Saturday, December 18, 2010 @ 12:49 AM
Feeling all the fatigue but yet gotta keep pushing on, keep moving. For myself, because no one believed I could cope with so many things at the same time. Just because others have doubts doesn't mean I would just back down. I have my doubts, I don't believe I would be able to make it through one day but, I try my best to make it happen. Each day I succeed, I grow stronger but, somehow much lonelier. Maybe because I'm doing it all alone and I'm the only one in this situation. Nevertheless, everyday all I'm gonna do is keep trying till one day i can't take it any longer. Without track, I probably never would have gain determination at all. In track, no matter how tired we are, we would not just stop but, keep running even if we slow down. Never walk until the end of the run, the most we're reduce to a jog (unless in an emergency). I miss those days where I didn't have to fret about schedules because it is all planned out.
MID SEM WEEK
Tuesday, December 14, 2010 @ 1:07 AM
LIFE. SCREW YOU.
MID SEM TEST WEEK, I HAVE ONE ACCOUNTING PAPER
AND PROFICIENCY TEST 1. I AM DAMN SCARED.
I HARDLY SHOW IT, BUT I'M FEELING IT.
I JUST WISH DANCE OR TRACK WAS A SUBJECT.
Words
Saturday, December 11, 2010 @ 12:00 AM