seriously nowdays i got no idea what to title my blog
i mean people can't see the damn title
but i got to put something!
in case i change my blog skin

dang okay today woke up damn late
cause i haven't been getting sleep for the past few days
so yesterday slept one shot until 12.40pm=.="
i missed dance class cause its at one.

decided to go out with cousin
met her at cineleisure
walked a lot today
to like wisma,wheelock's place,taka,plaza sing,marina and suntec

didn't watch movie or anything
just shopped
crap i keep spending money-.-

bought like a t shirt from graniph
which is white
and i don't usually wear white
weird huh.
sweets from mini toons
err a $10 white cheapo watch which is nice.haha
thats about it i suppose can't remember
wanted to buy the musical thingy
but didn't have enough money today=(

finally borrowed the cd "unfold" marie digby
from my cousin! woohoo.

tomorrow going to study please don't ask me out haha!

ohh before i forget,
I SAW DARYL TODAY!
AND MY ANOTHER FRIEND
MERINA.(I THINK SO)
HAHA!


the routine i missed today which is like damn groovy
50/50 Love(Trina feat Trey Songz)

haven't been sleeping much these few days
been sleeping at 12.30 and waking up like 6
so zombie.

today same thing had training in the morning
damn sick of it though
seeing myself deprove again cause of my stupid injury
totally suck.

tough today
but not very cause didn't push very much
it was like starting block,4x50m and 300m
starting block was like damn shit for me.
after a very long time.my reaction freaking slow today
the rest wasn't so bad although 300m was tiring
but i was tired but not dying yet.
unlike the intervals the other day.

had history extra class.
stayed back till 1.15 to finish up my work
then i went home because i don't have a 2nd session today.

reach home around 2.20pm
bathe and relax

left the house at 3pm to meet my cousin.
watch THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN
it was okay, nice and pretty funny
although i find the movie pretty expected.



reach home at 9 plus because
the stupid 190 bus damn crowded
and i decided to take 700A
after like don't know how many bus passed.

might watch AUGUST RUSH
and sleep late again today
i swear i'm crazy

tomorrow not going for amazing race thing

cause people pulled out

good luck to those who are going!

seriously the weird thing is that

i'm the only one that always get stand up by friends

weird.but oh well pretty much used to being alone

so fine with it

I BOUGHT MY CRUMPLER BAG ALREADY!(:

now left my adidas watch
my com is damn lag
okay

after school plus physio
suppose to go study
but slacked again
met NOREEN,MEIXIAN AND FAIZ
at bishan and went to town
then i bought my bag at paragon(:
wanted the red but so many people have so took the grey one instead
i really like the army one but so OVER BUDGET! its like $219=.="

went to marina after that
faiz bought his topshop/man shirt
haha!

im glad i went out with these three people today
its great to know that there are friends like this
so weird.
but yet comfortable to be with
no tensions.no stress.

"i want to tell you, my friend
that you can go ahead and study/
hang out with whoever you want
because its obvious that
you like it too.
if i'm stopping you go ahead
i feel so stress around you
because you never ever freaking take a bloody break"



SHOHEI WRECKING CREW ORCHESTRA/ELECTRIC TROUBLE<3
i could kill to dance like him

AMANDA IS RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME ON FRIDAY
PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO CONTACT ME
UNLESS I CONTACT YOU

CAUSE I SCREWED THE COM UP
BRO IS GOING TO KILL ME.
SO I NEED TO RUN AWAY FOR THE WEEKENDS
TO AVOID EVERYTHING

i don't wanna cry myself to sleep every night
it hurts
its a nightmare
i never felt like that before
what on earth is happening to me
for the first time
the truth of how dumb i actually am
is right in front of my fucking face
amanda you can just fuck off and die
ya know? wak up dude.

i don't wanna think
i don't wanna know
everything i ever knew was a lie
feeling like fool now
makes it worst
were you my friend or my foe
are stabbing me in the back now
or are you just being you
have i seen your true colours
or is this just another side of you
i don't know how to face you
actually i don't want to at all
when you gave me reasons not to go out with me
but yet you could go with others
i knew it was over.
every single thing is affecting me in all ways
studies,my life and my thoughts
screwing it all up
what the hell is wrong with me.
i seriously don't want to care but my heart does.
i'm becoming quieter each day
feeling that i am blocking myself away from the world.
is that what im suppose to do.
i just wanna run away

check out today at 10+ after school
training ended late was late for english class
i practically died for training.
ughh
hamstring cramped freaking badly.
stupid leg
chop off man.
ate macs with noreen and meixian
went bishan for awhile
meixian bought a bag while noreen went home
met up again
then go city hall
marina square
bought tickets for chocolate
but sadly couldn't watch cause noreen was a few more months then 16
stupid lady check ic
so changed tickets to made of honour
was okay not say damn exciting
but entertaining at least.
met mariam,jannah and her sis
bought mel's present
went to esplanade
take whole lot of lame photos
which pretty much made my day
eat dinner with noreen and meixian and go home.
-bought 3 pairs of earrings and a t-shirt today



marie digby-say it again

AMANDA JUST SCREWED HER OWN LIFE UP

just read an email said that mid year results would help me in DSA
Freak!
i screw my mid years up cause never study
pass A and E maths + Chemistry
failed chinese( not sure overall)
math and chem already 16 points=.=
how to get 20 points and below to apply for DSA.
kill me.
now what school to go.

nothing is working out in my life-.-


dope.mr wiggles

amanda is going to fail mid years
but i dont think she really cares
cause she can't study
no time-.-

today was at esplanade after dance class.
tried to study but most probably going to fail
A math cause can't do every single damn question
sigh.so dead
waste like damn a lot of time thinking
then no time to study-.-
wth.

dance class choreo today dope man
although i was late i manage to get the moves
the video is on youtube.
not sure if i wanna put it here
cause can't really see me!
haha! joking
cause its weird.
wanna see most of the dance videos i watch
please go find my channel on youtube
mandafish

i bought THE BIG GROOVE concert tickets
yay! the sad thing that the concert
is on my dad's birthday
so got to coax him with present one day before
HAHA.
meixian might come with me i dont know yet
i bought it at $20, today last day offer.
haha
if i buy for her it will be $25
or we could watch LAST 4 ONE in esplanade
if her mum allow that is.

tomorrow mother's day bought my mum a cake just now.
spent like a lot today on i don't know what-.-
didn't even buy much
wth.
i intend to buy a crumpler bag
but when i go to the shop their new models
like not very nice-.-
got to go town next week
yes.

i got my beanie yesterday
i hestitate to buy it at first
but now im happy i bought it.
HAHA.
i wanna learn bboy
sadly im not strong enough to support myself
so got to train hard.i think
oh well.

when i thought i was going to be alright
when i thought i found one thing that i really love
and was pretty okay with it..
dance..

but when i thought i can
someone have to break me saying you can't
don't try to be someone you can't be
cause you can never make it
is it true
am i trying too hard
and i actually suck at it.
i wanna know

doubling the breaking
when someone have to exclaim to the world
something close to my heart
something personal
and yet i have to act like
nothing happened
people criticise me right infront of my face
i have to smile and not say a word.
thinking of all sorts of places to run to.
but how far can i go.

hide in my room after everyone is asleep
and cry to myself
singing to myself to encourage myself
that tomorrow will be a better day
and i know it wouldn't be.
i want to hurt myself so bad
sometimes thinking if im not good at anything
why am i here in this world.

God who was suppose to help me
ain't helping me.
i pray. but nothing is working
i can't imagine myself in the future,
is it because i know i would end my own life here.
thinking of the fastest way to die.
hoping someone who would just stab me
but no one can.

trying to pick myself up whenever this happens
so difficult, yet no one is there
that i know can help me.
now exams are coming the pressure is building
i just want all of this to stop
but i can't.
i know im going to screw my exams.
i know. but i can't do anything to change that.

im falling apart
into pieces.
i know i won't be back to the same me.
how can this be that even my own family dont know me
they can't see that
im not happy
not bubbly and jumpy.
but quiet and alone.

maybe cause everyone misses
what is infront of them
they just can't see that.

sometimes when im so alone
quiet peaceful at esplanade or
anywhere with amazing view
i know that this world is beautiful
but deep down i know its not perfect.

today morning went for training
damn sad only got 3 people!
sec ones in some camp
sec twos in nz
meixian is sick
divya dont know where
ONLY GOT GINA, LIANGWEI AND I.
so sad.
but it was okay
im glad they are there(:

training was okay.
after warm-up etc
did jumps
starts, a little of gym
apparently i felt like i was doing training alone
cause i got a totally different work out
somewhat similar but different
thank goodness i chose the 4 stridings
instead of the one time 200 plus metre run
haha.actually almost the same
yeah whatever.cause liangwei didn't bring her spikes!
and gina,well she's sort of sick i suppose?!

after training ate lunch with liangwei and wanting
gina left to meet some guy
which me and liangwei thought he would most probably
stand her up.

took train with wanting and liangwei
they dropped at dhoby ghaut
i dropped at city hall
went to study(: alone!
it felt peaceful though:)
im happy.haha.
i think i got there around almost 2 or 1 plus
im not to sure. i just know i studied till 6.30.
and i went to rooftop and took pictures.



Singapore river

merlion

the floating soccer field

singapore flyer

the quality is really bad cause i took it with my phone.
didn't bring my camera.
but oh well.

singapore is such a beautiful place sometimes
when you look at it you get mesmerised
yet the system ruined it all
people can't enjoy this beautiful place.
does anyone open their eyes
and see whats infront of them
instead of searching for someone or something
so out of their reach
such a pity.

after 6.30 went marina walk for quite awhile
searching for mum's present
and cousin's present
i love the slurping ape pullover
but when i wear it, it looks okay
a bit weird but nice. i suppose.
there is blue, red,white and some greenish colour
i thought the blue or white would suit me best.
especially white,but maybe red.
it cost $69
im tempted to buy. but im considering it still
so sad.
i wanna get a crumpler bag as well
and a beanie. urgh
i manage to get a wallet for myself today.
CASH!


Last 4 one crew at BOTY 2005
i think they're coming to singapore.
esplanade i saw a banner yeap.

MID YEARS IS LIKE IN 4 DAYS
im not prepared im so dead.

today went to study with hin ann
macdonalds keeps chasing people away=.=
end up going my house starbucks
my saviour!(:
stupid lot one and plaza macs-.-

studied till 7pm
came home
ate the best spaghetti ever.
cook by my mum!(:

tomorrow got training in school=.=
i need to study tomorrow as well.
where and who?
go amanda!

after so long
you're the only person who exist in my eyes
but i know you can't see me.
i thought i have forgotten about you
i can't and its all coming back
im not moving on.
you're the only one i see with me.