so many things i just wanna say
maybe not to people but here.
so much on my mind, kept there.
so much i just have to bear, have to tolerate and take it all in without a single rebuttal.
im sick and tired of this feeling
yet i can't do anything about it.
drifting away slowly..
not that i want to.
but i rather be.

tears roll down my face with every thought of it.
i don't wanna cry, so i'm holding it in
amanda, you got to be strong, you gotta show others that you can

sometimes in life, fate isn't always in your own hands.
however the future is.
i just have to be stronger than ever now.
if once i give up right now, i know i'll regret it.

bro, you're not all that
i know you're smarter,much smarter than me
doesn't mean i'm stupid.
i'm not that inferior to you, don't always think you're superior
so what if you're a better dancer,so what if most of the stuff you can do are better than me
you can't always take away the things that i love doing.
crushing everything that i know of,everything i can possibly do to feel most happy
i know you wish i never exist
i wish i didn't too.
sometimes, i really would like to explore and try something new
it's part of learning and i really love to learn new stuff
sometimes before you try you won't know if you can make it
until you try, but why do you have to bring me down
why do you have to say i can't before i even try
it feels like i'm so stuck with no where to head
no where to go
i really want to learn, why can't i
spoiling the feeling,spoiling the curiousity
with one sentence you make me doubt myself and just say forget it.

it sucks when i have to put up a false front
smile like im happy
it hurts like shit inside, but i dont want everyone else around me to feel the same
suffering inside, yet i can smile and laugh like nobody's business
i wonder when was the last time i laugh like the world was perfect
everything feels so fake that i don't even know.

i know life was never perfect,
but i didn't know it would be this bad.
others complain so much about their family,what they have or don't
but i envy them so much as compared to them who envy my freedom
care,concern,love,family
they got it all.
drifting away slowly from them
the amount of words i say at home is so little
sometimes i don't even speak
i know sometimes i don't open up, cause it's really difficult.
i'm always that little girl who has an average intelligence level at home, and doesn't seem to know what's going on at all.
but the fact is, i do know.
i know all the problems at home.
i'm not that little girl you guys always think i am
the thing is, you guys don't even know me at all.

wishing things would change for the better
i hate to cry, this post is such a hard one to write
but i know it helps, i know i'll feel a lil better
i know this would go on a long, long time
i don't know how strong can i be,
after all i'm still human.
i'm afraid of the day i'll break down.
i wish that day never comes.
the feeling inside honestly sucks.
the heart simply hurts right now

thanks TPDE seniors for a fun dinner
you guys were dope for AGM.

okay i was late suppose to be at expo at 2
end up there at 3pm
but i was still considered early
played games with the people there like ian,andy,alisha,diana etc.
ian is damn funny for your info.

much later people start going into our queue, like what the hell!
if we know them it's okay!
but some we do not even know!
thanks joyce our tpde senior help us to reserve seats!

Concert was dope! most memorable and loved by me would be..

Cool Mint, opening of TBG and super dope kids! oldest one is like 13 only!
OMGOSH. you know how they train until so coordinated?
i heard the instructor takes a stop watch, and one by one without the music will perform the choreo. their timing must be very close to each other.
like if it's 26 seconds, everyone must be within the 26 seconds range.WOW

Philipines all star, damn sick yo.AAHH

O Crew!! creative and definitely dope! and they practice really hard!
Tribute to MJ!!

5+5, POPPING!! although im not pro, i like popping too! haha
DINO and some guy sonic i think, was dope shit! DOPE!

Last but not least, WCO, Wrecking Crew Orchestra!!
who don't love them must be effing crazy, DOPE as usual
love their performance man! there's like every single genre!
shohei,bon,yokoi,dominque,sawada,take,uu,hanai.
hope they come back every year!
GOSH wanted to take photo with TAKE but he left mass workshop early
and couldn't take at big groove
must must take his house master class next year if he comes back!
he's nice, and definitely dope
im lovin the house feel!

injured myself during TBG, knock into some platform where rock danced on.
metal corner, now my leg is bruised and one cut
what the hell
pain, lucky no fracture.

got school! spoil my mood.

TBG. inspire,motivate,feel and love dance.
now i'm lovin' it.

saps people


mabo(spelling might be wrong)
he looks quite cute.haha!

Bon! dope yo!

late post again!
Mass workshop was good!
much lesser people than expected!
lucky there are people to accompany me!
Gerry,Luqman,Jeremy,Andy,Jean,Jan and my Bro plus Elke
it was really fun

first was short stretching with An An
next Wacking by Lee,so fun! can't wack with left arm.
but good experience! feels like ballroom at some point
learnt technique cause they teach basics then short choreo yeah
essence is important, got to punch and not relax sometimes!

followed by Hip hop with An An!
fun and dope! and she's damn cute
HAHA

HOUSE by TAKE!
super duper fun! luqman and i loved it haha!
super fun fun fun!
simple choreo, but techniques are more important!
yes and especially feel plus house got to hit on the right timing and beat
He told us to go back and practice.
TAKE is damn funny!
learnt more basic techniques for house! YAY~
knowledge just went up one level!=)
mabo is super good for house!
he's damn dope seriously!

Lastly Bon's Hip hop choreo
DOPE DOPE DOPE.
fun choreo, wasn't difficult to catch
but it's the essence of it that is tough,got to punch hard at some points.
but it was great fun, manage to learn techniques too!
especially the running thing! YAY~
WAHAHA im going up slowly!

i can't really describe the choreo.but i can remember haha!
i bought WCO shirt! dope dope! bought turquoise!
but i think the other 3 colours are nice too!
shantelle crazy! buy all 4!

anyway for the first time i danced so long,4 hours
i survived
it didn't feel that bad just that your legs are like wobbly after that
super tired.
but it's good, no i mean great!=)
i'll miss it! i think i shall go for house at studio wu if i got money!

bryan is back in singapore
so met them after mass workshop at town
watch I LOVE YOU MAN at lido with them
slack around then ate dinner at fish and co before going home
it was great seeing everyone again=)

TBG CONCERT LATER!! WOOHOO!
CAN'T WAIT!
DAMN EXCITED!

came back pretty late just now


okay today school was boring?
skipped RHT lecture, feel so bad
my laptop touchpad spoil! WTF it's new.
i am DAMN UNLUCKY
SUPER EMO
did project until computing skills class
most hated subject
lucky today's one quite okay
i was sleeping the first part though


after class went to far east square with
diana,cheryl and alisha
lucky all of us ended by 5pm
cabbed there and manage to get good seats!
woohoo
judges performance was dope shit
yokoi,hanai,rock,dino and gin
funky ziggy,groovy aggression and tiny pink monsters did a performance
dope!
okay CONGRATS TO ALL K.O NIGHT FINALIST
and extra CONGRATULATIONS TO..
Kahmar
Red Line
Lock Out Loud
for emerging as champions!
ALL OF YOU ARE DOPE!=)
Michael Jackson passed away
he's really a legend, with all his moves that helped developed dance.
always will be remembered as the king of pop
RIP

going mass workshop
got to go sleep
rest!
im tired!

projects projects stop killing me
intHT
RHT
commskills
Org beh(haven't even start)
Microecons
oh gosh.the list is long

okay i got C for commskills damn lousy,but expected hahhaa
RHT got 44.5/5o YAY not bad
Econs most probably fail
Org Beh also i think fail
DIE

oh well been so tired lately
projects making me have accumalative fatigue.

anyway one thing to look forward tomorrow
ROCK'S MASTER CLASS!
DOPE DOPE
ALISHA GOING WITH ME=)
and can buy TBG shirt!! WOOHOO!!

today i watched the AYG preliminary match in TP
China vs South Korea
South Korea won 3-2
Thanks Alif and Gary for all the soccer insights
i finally know what's offside.
i think my soccer knowledge increased.
anyway it was great watching with them=)

i shall try to update everyday
im not gonna let my blog just die

finally blogging gosh
my last post was like last week!
time pass way to fast

monday went for ahhua's class
definitely have fun.
but kinda screwed up and i realise a lot of stuff i need to work on

tuesday was project day

wednesday was doing a little for project but alone
and modern class at night.
we learnt turns,and i seriously can't spot.
the whole point i was a tracker cause i use my legs not my head
so the turning of the head was tough.

thursday went to collect my laptop at acer
didn't know 176 stop straight at international business park
i went to take lrt/mrt/bus
and i wasn't sure where to stop, so i pass the stop and stop 5 stops later
cross the bridge and took the bus back.
perspiring like crazy
singapore weather is getting hotter by the second
GLOBAL WARMING=.=
oh and screw it, i lost my yellow handphone strap i bought from downtown east
during holqa chalet
it dropped somewhere which i'm not sure where.
not even 2 weeks!
seriously i can't own handphone straps it always gets lost.
and i understood the meaning of when you gain stuff,you lose stuff.

at night,met the track girls at central near clarke quay
it was awesome seeing all of them once more.
only mel,divya,noreen,mei xian and jan came.
but it was alright.
pictures soon=)

friday met the project people
went to do CDS selection and project meeting was not productive at all
cause it seems we all know what to do already.
so i ended up doing BCS using jaslyn's as reference
i think i did the whole entire thing wrongly i swear
cause i pretty much changed everything
Jas had SU camp so i went to sports hall to meet Diana and Junyi
somehow at the back of my head i wondered should i have joined SU
but it's alright
shall focus on everything at hand first.

later today i shall go oschool.
Diana tried to persuade me to go popping with her
gosh.crazy girl.
probably might bring my laptop to do my work at starbucks or something
then going to support sean at bboy champs.

wow this is a really late/early post.

went out with CHERYL CHUA yesterday
we went to watch a movie
HANNAH MONTANA
it wasn't that bad okay
actually it's nice! the story is really good
actually i thought it was better than night at the museum 2

i was finding shoes
i swear,difficult.
i saw one pair of nike was kinda nice
but i scared girls cut very small
haven't tried though!
cause i can't buy now!
i need to pay diana and i wanna shop at SEXY DIAMOND!
WOOHOO

today is such a boring day with nothing to do
suppose to do project but im hell lazy.

HIP HOP CLASS STARTS TOMORROW
YAY!=)
finally dancing hip hop!

i miss mr lau calling me mandy
so it explains my title. ahhaha!

so many problems right in front of me
i don't wanna face
people envy my freedom,envy what i have
but i envy all of you
with a family right there always
caring for you, giving you what you want
im not well to do anymore
what i want to buy is what i have to save
family ain't home all the time
home doesn't feel like home
and i have drifted away from family
at times when they try to care for me
i feel like they're strangers
i just push them away.
it hurts
but this is the wall i've build around myself over the years.
sorry but i can't help it.

yesterday came back from chalet
Chalet was pretty awesome
i think sort of hang out with new people.
pretty cool
slept from 7.30Am to 9Am
wasn't feeling THAT tired
how cool.
and people..
playing IQ question at 6AM is fun!
i mean you're dead tired and you're forcing your brain to think
thank goodness the IQ questions asked the answers are awesome
I LOVE HOLQA
oh and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAWN FOR TUESDAY=)
after chalet, on my way home
when i got off at cityhall, i saw Divya
so decided not to go home
cause i have to be out again anyway.
went with Divya to some macs with her friends for project work
i went to one corner and slept
it was awesome! slept from like 2.30 to 3.30/4 around there
and after 4 it was on and off.
went to eat pizza hut with noreen,divya and piriyah
went home after that

today went to do project in school
everyone was late but marcus! ahha
suppose to meet at 10Am
end up starting project at 11Am
cause some people were really late.
ended around 4.20pm by that time only left Marcus,Jas and Me
tried to find ms jasmine but she's not around
so i went for modern after that

how i felt about modern?
stretching was painful
pointing toes are difficult
keeping the whole back straight is tough
the squatting thing is tiring
push up ultimately sucks
the only thing i loved is..
choreo.AHAHAH

for a person like me who pull both hamstring 3 times
injured both ankles and injured back before cause of track
it sucks.
cause my flexibility is super screwed due to
my unfinished physiotherapy everytime.

oh before i forget.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIRIYAH
<3

thinking of what to do tomorrow.

Sunday went out with Chloe
watched night at the museum 2
it was good=)
laughed really loudly.

went around looking for high cut shoes, and can't even find something nice
like what the crap
what is this world coming to.

had dinner with dad
cause he's birthday is today
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD and MARIAM SHAZANA

a lot of things i wish to say
yet i don't have the courage to say it to your face
a simple happy birthday to you in front of you
feels so difficult.
maybe things haven't change after all
my door is still close
and a lot of things are still inside and i haven't opened up.
this insecurity is killing me.
sigh.

later going Holqa chalet meeting
Karyl at 5.30pm pasir ris.
i haven't pack yet
great.
modern is starting this week
so is hip hop
GREAT.modern zzz

test haven't been going well at all
what's wrong with me
ARGH
screwed both ORG BEH and ECONS
pressure myself plus peer pressure
I'M NOT SMART OKAY.
NOW I FAIL FOR YOU TO SEE MAN
dammit
AMANDA, YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

after org beh went for ahhua's class with alisha
AWESOME
learn loads of stuff
about groove,techniques, a lil of old school hip hop kinda thing.
felt a little happier and more satisfied.

then today i went for anan's class
with alisha and melanie
many many people!
but awesome class
learnt a lot of stuff too
felt happier than yesterday
alisha! hope your num is okay!

ECONS was rubbish.
about 30 marks flew away.
=(
thanks for the encouragement auntie!

FRIDAY RHT!