the last day
Wednesday, December 31, 2008 @ 12:51 PM
tomorrow would be 2009
i've got no idea what are my plans today but,
i guess it's reflection time
this year was probably the most ups and downs year
and probably the most changing one.
at the start of this year i was probably one of the most lifeless
person i've known.
i didn't wanna train, didn't want to start studying for O's
and definitely not a very high person.
as months start to go by i open my doors
as much as i do not want to train
for others i did.
thanks to Mr Pedro who gave me some motivations
i trained.
even though i wasn't as good as before prior to some stupid hamstring strains
i still competed.
i screwed the competition big time
but i was happy when i saw the way my fellow trackers competed.
at about the same time, i got exposed to the world of dance
i started about 2 years ago
but it just wasn't a constant thing.
now i love dancing, like i never knew
i wanna level up
seriously.
i knew i really wanted to do well for O's
i studied
but probably bad timing when i wasn't at the peak of my performance
just a month before O's my grades were spiralling down
failing like 2 subjects and the ones i didn't fail were on its way to the 50 mark
it was really difficult to salvage my grades
because i didn't know what happen when it started to drop
and why was the way i do my work normally,changing.
well come to think of it, i think subconsciously
i was too concern with what's going on at home rather than school
school was a home away from home
it was my hiding place
and i put all the happenings at home behind when i'm in school
when it got closer to O's i think it got worst because
i didn't fully put these problems away.
secondly, my brains is tuned such that modular system works extremely well for me
when i had to study every single thing from secondary 3 to 4
my brain couldn't absorb or revise what i already knew
and it started to throw information i'm suppose to keep away
that's when my photographic memory poofed away.
and also, i panicked in the exams subconsciously
that when i reach a certain paper
or when i see a question that i've got no idea how to start
i start to blank out.
apparently, i don't even know i'm panicking in the exam
but i did.it all happens inside my brain.
i still hoping some of my papers save my O levels grade
i probably can get a D7 for physics i don't know
cause paper 2 was freaking hard
and i think every single question i attempted was a wrong answer.
family doesn't feel anything like a family to me
i'm drifting away from them i know
cause now the whole thing starts again
when i refuse to communicate with them
i can't help it
but i rather not
a same question per day relationship with them is so dumb.
i rather you not ask the question.seriously
because it's a rhetorical one
so many times, i wanna just run away from a home that doesn't feel like one
but come to think of it, i don't know where i could go.
but still thanks for whatever you have done
friends well i don't know what to say honestly
you've given me the best and the worst memories
4B: my pure O level class, you guys are one of the smartest people i know
seriously every single one of you are weird, well in a good way.
thanks guy.even though i know competition in class is kinda a big thing
but i'm glad we still got together, helping others and stuff
i wanna thank my physics class and Mr lau most
the other 7 of you, thanks for all the encourgement guys
you know my physics sucks. well vas knows i got it somewhere just afraid of saying it
i don't know which is what,just thanks for helping me clarifying ideas and stuff.
love you guys man.totally miss all the usual scenes in class.
4C: you're not in my class, but hangin' out with some of you was pretty cool.
especially during the O level period when 4B is always somewhere
and 4C would be together downstairs with the late night studying and stuff
thanks guys, it was fun studying and well having macs like every now and then with you guys.
team pedro, you guys are seriously wacky.do train hard guys.i'll visit you.
juniors i don't you that well,but you guys are nice people.do stay together and compromise
internal conflicts doesnt help.
liangwei,habbs,gina and val.training with you guys for about 2 years or so is seriously great
even though trainings were tough under ms chan or mr pedro, we still manage
to make it fun except when its dessert day.
hope you guys make it to where you wanna be
love you guys to the core.
people i always hang out with you know who you are,trackers.
if you want to be mentioned.FINE.
the Girls; Mariam, Jannah,Mei Xian, Melody, Divya, Noreen, Piriyah
the Guys; Jamie, Fudin, Desmond, Taufiq, Dennis
thanks for the 4 years in sports school, it was honestly a pretty amazing journey
with all the laughter and noise we usually have at our table
loudest among everyone..i miss that.
even though we had lots of bad times,i know especially when you guys get high
you forget things and the stuff around you.
but its alright, its your personality and character
but it was great having you guys around.
and i'm sure we'll keep in contact, we still are in contact at least.haha.
you guys are the love yeah, you guys are more than what i can ever ask for.
the other trackers not mentioned from remy's group, runners, jumps and hurdles
you guys are awesome people.you guys totally burn the track.
thanks for everything
TPRAWKS was an eye opener meeting so many new friends was pretty amazing
i was never part of something huge but there i was.
and lovin' it.i love all the Groovy Orange rawkers(:
IYSC tested my organisation skills, my brain, communication skills and more
it tested all the essential skills i need for my life.
IYSC was amazing, i pretty much was like a tour guide for the aussie netballers
they were really really nice i've got to say
and i'm glad to have met them
they were amazing players and amazing people
happy,crazy and really nice.
i'm really glad nicole was with me for this journey of IYSC
it could never have been better.
Dancers out there, you know you guys are bloody dope people.
thanks for letting me see the passion for dance and what its all about.
Alisha since you mentioned my name in two of your post, as a favour in return
here's your name.
thanks for all the great fun girl! you're awesome
and the coolest b-girl i've met.
Diana you're dope too.popper gal.thanks for being a friend
those whom i never mentioned, you know you played an important role in my life
and have helped me in everyway
thank you. and do let me know if you're not somewhere in the post.
4 years in sports school, now the journey is over
i don't know if i would ever experience something like this.
i don't know what the future holds for me in 2009
i don't know where i would go.
because i don't wanna think of the future
cause all this time i just wanted to disappear from this earth
now i'm still here, decisions are so difficult to make.
since there are so many question marks for the future.
i can only hope, wait and pray for it to happen
just hope the new year, will be better.
the start of another journey.
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