Where is home? Where is the place when i feel loved as a kid? What happen to all the love in this small family? I thought everything was getting better day by day. I thought we were getting by just fine. I thought by avoiding this little family would be pieced together again. Maybe all of us were just pretending, maybe everything wasn't fine and it was all a lie.

Just a little quarrel and a few shouts was all it takes to throw reality in my face. It hurts. That's all i can say, i thought it wouldn't matter to me. I thought it wouldn't hurt inside anymore, i thought i was numb to the pain. After what happened, i realise i do care because no matter what happens, we're still a family. Even though it's always about the same thing, cause the pain feels exactly the same, i'm still not numb to it. I really hate it.

Tears roll down my face everyday, every night in my own little room. I've never been like this before. All i feel is pain and everyday i just feel like ripping myself apart to stop it. I can feel my heart breaking,literally, but i don't know how to stop it from hurting. Part of me knows why things are like that, part of me is just trying to not think about it. I'm human too, not a robot. I can't believe in my own room i'm stopping myself from crying and I tell myself "i'm strong" but the fact is, i'm not. I pray every night just to make myself feel that everything is alright, i pray to God everyday saying "i hope everything is okay" when i don't even know if he hears me. When would this stop, really.

Listening to songs from my childhood, i remember the songs i use to lisen s a lullaby. I remember the memories in my previous house, all the little happy funny moments. I don't remember a sad memory. But now, it's like there isn't a single happy memory in this house of mine. Not a day would everyone be a home, most of the time it's only me. If not, my bro and my mum. This family is incomplete most of the time, well that's okay, but what's worst it that i feel it's falling apart. I can hardly find my way home. Not literally home, i know where my house is of course. But, the feel of belonging to one. Home is suppose to be filled with warmth, happiness and probably where you feel safest. But, home now to me, is somewhere lonely, somewhere empty, somewhere i'm afraid of showing my emotions. This is what home is to me now. and my family i can't even find words to describe what it is now.

Among all these pain, why can't i find a little spark that makes everything better?