Thursday, September 23, 2010 @ 11:08 PM
i heard that hope replenishes the heart
it keeps the spirit and soul alive
i hope it does for mine.
After being in 2 CCAs, everyday my life is only track, dance or study. Sometimes i sacrifice all 3 things to hang out with my friends. I listen to my heart and my brain, to do what i think and know that is right. Sometimes, people just don't understand that and try to make things as if it was wrong to skip dance or track. Think about it from my position, it's between something you like doing and can always do it other time; and friends who play the biggest part of my life, without them i would never be where i am right now. Sometimes, choosing dance/track over friends make me feel guilty because they're always there for me and i never seem to be there for them. I know i always try and make time for the things i like and for friends. But if my friends can understand me and encourage me to do the things i like, why can't dance/track do the same when i need time with my friends. Commitment, they say. I do commit, and i am serious when it's trainings, i don't play around and treat it like a joke, at least i respect the training. But, i have my own life, my daily life is not for others to plan. I do take responsibility for things i'm suppose to attend and go for, i try my best to accomodate to everyone's timings, trainings and plans, but when things CLASH, what am i suppose to do huh? tell me. what can i do?
Maybe i just brought it on myself, 2 CCAs. Maybe i'm mad. But, i never hated any trainings, i just hate it when things clash. I don't know if i would let go of one, i don't know what should i do. I don't know how to make things better. I know part of me, are just doing both things, to hold on to some things i don't wish to lose. I think i've changed, a lot. From who i used to be and now, i don't know if it's good or bad.i just hope everyday would be a better day than the day before.Really, because i really don't know where to go from here.
i'm really tired with everything right now.
i guess.