Insane Moments

Between who you are and who you could be.

I'm Amanda. 20. I dance and I run.
Graduated from Leisure and Resort Management,
but I have no idea what I want from life yet.
Don't judge me.

turn around

Wednesday, December 18, 2013 @ 3:27 PM

Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark? To be caught up in all those mess called life that you never wanted to be in. Well I do. It feels like a frustrating moment every single day of your life, it feels like you try to be happy but you never seem to truly be. To lose the smile you wish you could keep, to be overwhelm with darkness the moment you close your doors, to only feel truly happy when i'm unconscious. I never wanted to be this monster, I know who i want to be. I want to be that girl, the good one, the one that everyone wants to be. I want to be pretty, smart and just the girl next door. But, i can't. Home is my darkness, home doesn't feel like home. There are days I thought, it's gonna be good. but it never was, it never did. The smell of smoke and ashes fill the air like I'm stuck in the fire, the smell I feel i could never get away from. To fill like you can never breathe a fresh air again, because it seems like it never existed. None of it matters. What I wanted was not the fresh air. All i needed was help, I said it out loud but no one can hear me. When i get frustrated, they say take your time because you're making everyone else angry. How can i not be angry, how can i be calm? When i feel time is running out, I can't barely breathe and no one was willing to help me? I can't even be a little angry, a little frustrated? What kind of life or a lie am i living? Where every tear, every anger I could only do it behind closed doors.Sometimes I wanna say, I'm done with this and just get away. But where can i go? What am I gonna do? For the first time, I really felt I had no one. Sometimes I used to think, it was the work, the money. Right now, I feel like shit, the least important thing to be concern about. A burden. But I'm not ready to give up right now. Someday a change is gonna come.

Months

Tuesday, October 15, 2013 @ 1:24 AM

It's been months since i posted anything.

Not that i'm lazy, rather this blog hold too many memories

somehow i feel like leaving it as that and start a new blog.

We'll see how it goes i guess!

A lot has changed in a few months.

Well to sum it up,

I'VE MOVED ON

i can't say i completely put it down, you know how you never stop caring for someone

it's just that at least i know how to deal with it now.

I don't know if it's the wrong or right thing to do but, what's done is done.

Short updates:

School is CRAZY with like Destination Mgt, Campaign Mgt and Media Relations breathing down my neck.

I'm feeling the stress. Like seriously.

Dance wise, injured my back but it's getting better

Doing TPDE concept video but feel pretty bad that like if i'm not 100% committed

Track, wel what can i say.

I'm a retired athlete. haha!

my love for the sport will always be there though.

Guess that's about it.

Till next time,

My crazy month of June

Tuesday, July 9, 2013 @ 1:47 AM

Felt like blogging cause I realize I haven't updated in awhile. June was simply insane, filled with power pack events that I can barely keep track of.

Just to name a few of those I remember and attended

1: NTU funk jam

2: All Out championship

3: R16

4: Dance@Live World Cup

5: Original Gangstaz

6: Piriyah's birthday

Instead of explaining happenings at each event, i'll just post some pictures

Mr Wiggles

Pan and Bim!

Rufu!

Fishboy!

Slim Boogie

Shingo from Groovin Slash

SG Popping Ladies

At Pi's party

At Pi's party!

June has been simply insane. It's probably the best month I ever had. I met amazing people and caught up with amazing people too. Never thought I would meet Mr Wiggles and other great dancers like Slim and Fishboy. I've learned so much as a person and as a dancer. I am happy i made international friends too, like the Vietnamese poppers. Not only do I meet crazy people, I watched them dance. Especially at Dance@live, seeing Beat buddy boi, Slim and other dancers battle live, i couldn't believe my eyes. It doesn't matter whether I do good in dance competitions or not, i just enjoy watching and it makes me happy.This June has been nothing short of amazing, I wished it didn't have to end(:

Next up Super 24, I wish The Passionate Dancing Elders all the best!

a breath of fresh air

Saturday, May 18, 2013 @ 11:45 PM

Well well, it's been awhile since i updated, guess i've been pretty busy? i'm just lazy haha. Well rather than explaining my whole holiday in words. Picture speaks a thousand words right? So i didn't have a very long holiday, just about 1 month. I simply danced, went to adventure cove, universal studios singapore and go back to TP for track trainings. Life is simple like that.

So how am i doing?

I guess i'm doing good, even though the holidays ended and the craziness of school will come again, I'm tryin to stay positive and i feel pretty alright most days.

I know I haven't let go of that one person, I know somewhere deep down in my heart he still exist and I still care. Some days it hurts, and would hurt over and over again. Yet with all these positivity, I have the strength to put it aside and take a step forward. Wherever you are and what you are doing, i'll always hope that you're doing good and happy. I do feel sorry for just drifting away like that, someday you'll understand..someday.

Its been about a year since i graduated from TP, a new phase of life i'm in. Although its not easy, its not happier. It's an experience, something that I have to go through. Guess I got to make the best of it(: keep fighting to seek true happiness.

One thing I'm really satisfied with is my results for the previous sem. It was so INSANE. I had GEM 8 to handle, 3 modules which consisted of A LOT of assignments. I 'chionged' my assignments and has insufficient sleep for several days, some days with only an hour of rest. Exams was never my strong point, i remember going into fest and events(which i already passed going into the exam hall) with my handwritten notes, and even though the answers were supposingly there, but i over analyzed the question or something, and couldn't answer the questions properly. So PR is a really difficult subject to score, barely passed. phew. Really pleased that I passed, the most unexpected was Distinction for POL, like how on earth did that happened. i barely passed my assignment.

Oh well, so the first week of school gone by and today I participated in Pop In Progress Vol.1. After training rather hard, didn't get through the auditions like I wanted to. Disappointed is kinda normal. After awhile, I guess it didn't matter. Looking at other dancers, it's great to see improvements. You know when you don't get the results you want, you start to doubt yourself and a lot of things. yeah.. so that was what is going on in my head. I asked myself several questions "Why did I hold on for so long?" "Why do I wanna dance?" "Should I continue? "Was it wrong to choose dance over track?" "Where am I going with dance?" "What am I feeling?" "Whether I should join battles?"

I didn't have an answer to all my questions but one answer that came up was I just like dancing. Whether I win or not, improve or not, it's just cause I like it. Maybe I won't join battles so often anymore because it seems rather pointless since I usually don't get through auditions. I don't know where I'm going with dance, but I'll do it as long I can move and I feel something for it. I didn't exactly choose track over dance, its just that my glory days for track seem to come to an end, and it was pointless to continue since I can't represent a school and the reason why I wanted to run was for the team. The best team I ever been in, TP track<3 p="">

So this sums up a lot huh. update soon

Moments

Friday, April 5, 2013 @ 12:48 AM

Everytime when i think about that one moment,
just that moment, i get scared.
because i never felt anything so real and close to my heart like that
At that one moment, i know i felt something deep down.
I don't know if you felt it.
It was something so special to me that i always think about it.
Maybe that's why it so difficult for me to let go because
I can't forget that moment.

can't get over it

Tuesday, March 26, 2013 @ 11:07 PM

I fucking miss you k
I wanna get over you
but i don't know how
It's been months, a lot of months
I don't know how long.
you're everything I don't look for
but of all the boys, i like you.
Why you?
I bet you're doing things that you don't even know sends the wrong signals
how to get over you?
just tell me how.

Take 8: GEM/ K's party

12:09 AM

Sooo, Take 8: GEM is over! a really tough but enjoyable experience. First GEM as an alumni, honestly it feels weird and its a totally different experience. When you aren't an alumni, after exams you can concentrate on just the concert, but being an alumni i can't. People work, some have school (like myself) and other commitments, meeting up alone is difficult. All of us have to sacrifice our weekends just to put an item together, guess that's what people do when they have something they love in common. I can never thank thepassionatedancingelders enough, everyone is so crazy. With like 5 trainings, no stage mark until after the first show, no full attendance until show day, it's just MAD. so glad we did it and manage to put up a pretty good item(: A bunch of amazing dancers that I get to perform with, feel so honored. In the process of GEM, there were so many unfamiliar faces, that i wished i knew all of them. Nevertheless so proud to see my juniors perform and what a good show they did. Hope they continue to grow as dancers, and cherish the time they have in TPDE. With school and all, i'm glad somehow i survived. It's snap back to reality, with two more stupid assignments and one presentation to go before exams! Hope I have time to join GEM 9. Thank you TPDE (including elders) for the wonderful experience and memories, we did it cause we believe it. Here's a bunch of random photos of Take 8: GEM! i'm out.

ThePassionateDancingElders - Credits to Serena

After the show Day 2, it was Kayla Kemomo's birthday party! so sorry that i went late and I missed out on most of the celebration. Thanks for the invite and for being one of my best friends! HAPPY 21ST MX! BEST WISHES ALWAYS, LOVE YOU MUCHH(: