breaking apart
Sunday, May 4, 2008 @ 3:00 PM
when i thought i found one thing that i really love
and was pretty okay with it..
dance..
but when i thought i can
someone have to break me saying you can't
don't try to be someone you can't be
cause you can never make it
is it true
am i trying too hard
and i actually suck at it.
i wanna know
doubling the breaking
when someone have to exclaim to the world
something close to my heart
something personal
and yet i have to act like
nothing happened
people criticise me right infront of my face
i have to smile and not say a word.
thinking of all sorts of places to run to.
but how far can i go.
hide in my room after everyone is asleep
and cry to myself
singing to myself to encourage myself
that tomorrow will be a better day
and i know it wouldn't be.
i want to hurt myself so bad
sometimes thinking if im not good at anything
why am i here in this world.
God who was suppose to help me
ain't helping me.
i pray. but nothing is working
i can't imagine myself in the future,
is it because i know i would end my own life here.
thinking of the fastest way to die.
hoping someone who would just stab me
but no one can.
trying to pick myself up whenever this happens
so difficult, yet no one is there
that i know can help me.
now exams are coming the pressure is building
i just want all of this to stop
but i can't.
i know im going to screw my exams.
i know. but i can't do anything to change that.
im falling apart
into pieces.
i know i won't be back to the same me.
how can this be that even my own family dont know me
they can't see that
im not happy
not bubbly and jumpy.
but quiet and alone.
maybe cause everyone misses
what is infront of them
they just can't see that.
sometimes when im so alone
quiet peaceful at esplanade or
anywhere with amazing view
i know that this world is beautiful
but deep down i know its not perfect.