taken in Singapore Sports School, Wednesday 2nd September
i can stare at the sky all day, just thinking..

There's so much on my mind right now
tryin' to be happy every single moment of the day
it's getting tougher by the minute

i made a choice about what i want to do
now it just seems all too absurd
should i even choose in the first place
everything seems so screwed up right now because i thought i could have a balance somewhere in between

track was always what i've been doing
suddenly a stop, and now a start once again
i know i will never stop running, even though i'm not gonna compete
now, when i start training all over..

i'm neglecting dance
i couldn't get inside hip hop for recital
this shows how much i suck, and i haven't been practising much for dance either
no class, no sessions
got inside popping, it was a lucky shot
cause Ben wanted quantity.
out of 86 people who auditioned i'm think i'm like at the bottom few
and what did i tell myself at the start of hols?
to train hard for dance.
what am i doing now.

maybe i'm simply afraid i'll lose the connection with my sports school friends
maybe i just feel bad when Divya and Mei Xian train and i don't
i'm afraid of something, i don't know what
y'know i think i can't take disappointments,embarassment or any other incidents happening on me
every incident that i got scolded for or somehow affected by for 17 years of my life, i remember every single one of em'
scary it may sound, but everytime i think of them
i seem to feel pain in my heart, like knife stabbing.it hurts

when will this be over
it's like a dilemma, internal struggle
if i don't dance,there is no feel towards music
if i don't do sports, my body would be itching to move, to run and jump around
i can't find the time to do both, actually maybe i can but i don't know.
it's always clashing.

i don't know what i want anymore