2011
Friday, December 31, 2010 @ 1:30 AM
Thank you guys for being part of my life, it means a lot to me.There are others but no photos. Sorry.
Every year, at this very time, I'll be doing the same thing. Typing out my resolutions for the coming year and reflections for the past year. Most of the time, I feel rather good doing it because it helps me to know I'm still me.
So 2010 has been probably one of the toughest years of my life because I had to cope with so many things. Track, Dance and Studies. It has never been easy making decisions, but it is even harder when you have to do it all the time. I know it's going to get much harder from here, but i'm going to try and make it work somehow.I know i'm not superwoman or God, but whatever stuff i do, i'm going to give my best. I can't believe 2010 is coming to an end, although it doesn't feel like much difference. Somehow many events in 2010 definitely made an impact in my life and I'll definitely remember for the rest of my life. The most significant one is definitely O school Recital, I like how our item bonded, i miss all the retarded moments we had during trainings and sessions. i miss all the fun! I never regret being in this item. Hope we get to perform together again! zombies!(: In addition, I love TP Sprints Team, our bond is rather stronger maybe cause we knew each other for quite some time. I really love the crazy jokes we make after training and i know it won't stop, so that's great! Let's take revenge for POL-ITE Games. Despite all these good memories, the thing is a lot of people don't know or actually no one really knows what i'm thinking at all. I laugh, i joke, i smile but, throughout the whole 2010, all i have in me was mainly fear. I'm afraid of my very own life, my very own schedule and my strength. I'm afraid because i don't know if i would be able to cope, every single day while doing one thing, at the back of my mind i have to worry about the other. I'm afraid of clashes, afraid of what I cannot attend, afraid that i would not be able to make it work. I've given so much up, especially social life just to do these things that i want to do. I always wonder if i made the right decisions because i'm only young once. I always thought i was strong, until the day before i flew to Sydney i fell sick and fainted in my own home. That was the first time i fainted and that was when i realize how vulnerable i could be. The feeling of fainting was scary, i was walking and i couldn't see anything,everything suddenly turned pitch dark and i couldn't feel my legs, i just fell to the ground not knowing whether i hit my head or anything. I just laid there wondering if i'm still alive. I'm afraid that one day i get so tired and just faint on the streets, not being able to get home. I'm afraid of losing myself, afraid of not knowing where i'm going and what i'm gonna do next. This whole 2010 has been like that for me. Simply fear and a little bit of happiness.
So 2010 has been probably one of the toughest years of my life because I had to cope with so many things. Track, Dance and Studies. It has never been easy making decisions, but it is even harder when you have to do it all the time. I know it's going to get much harder from here, but i'm going to try and make it work somehow.I know i'm not superwoman or God, but whatever stuff i do, i'm going to give my best. I can't believe 2010 is coming to an end, although it doesn't feel like much difference. Somehow many events in 2010 definitely made an impact in my life and I'll definitely remember for the rest of my life. The most significant one is definitely O school Recital, I like how our item bonded, i miss all the retarded moments we had during trainings and sessions. i miss all the fun! I never regret being in this item. Hope we get to perform together again! zombies!(: In addition, I love TP Sprints Team, our bond is rather stronger maybe cause we knew each other for quite some time. I really love the crazy jokes we make after training and i know it won't stop, so that's great! Let's take revenge for POL-ITE Games. Despite all these good memories, the thing is a lot of people don't know or actually no one really knows what i'm thinking at all. I laugh, i joke, i smile but, throughout the whole 2010, all i have in me was mainly fear. I'm afraid of my very own life, my very own schedule and my strength. I'm afraid because i don't know if i would be able to cope, every single day while doing one thing, at the back of my mind i have to worry about the other. I'm afraid of clashes, afraid of what I cannot attend, afraid that i would not be able to make it work. I've given so much up, especially social life just to do these things that i want to do. I always wonder if i made the right decisions because i'm only young once. I always thought i was strong, until the day before i flew to Sydney i fell sick and fainted in my own home. That was the first time i fainted and that was when i realize how vulnerable i could be. The feeling of fainting was scary, i was walking and i couldn't see anything,everything suddenly turned pitch dark and i couldn't feel my legs, i just fell to the ground not knowing whether i hit my head or anything. I just laid there wondering if i'm still alive. I'm afraid that one day i get so tired and just faint on the streets, not being able to get home. I'm afraid of losing myself, afraid of not knowing where i'm going and what i'm gonna do next. This whole 2010 has been like that for me. Simply fear and a little bit of happiness.
As much as i hope 2011 will be a better year for me, apparently its not going to be.
POL-ITE, Juste Debout, GEMS 6 and not to mention my SIP. Apparently they are all happening around the same time, i don't know if it's a prank on me or what. But it is certainly not funny.
I don't know what my 2011 resolutions are, but here goes.
1) cope with everything and not let my gpa drop
2) be happier and less fearful of my life
3) lose weight
4) be a better friend
5) improve in dance
6) be stronger
7) learn to make better decisions
I don't have a proper resolution because everything is just so jumble up now that i don't even know how to face my life, my schedule and everything else. I just hope that i won't lose myself in this crazy life of mine. Cause i feel like i am. I hardly know what kind of person am i. So many things are happening and i don't know whether to defend myself or think for others. It's really killing me slowly.