Bobby's house workshop

Haven't been blogging this week
reason being,
school is INSANE
projects.
i hate you
AM/FEM and Intro L&R
so many things to do!
and deadline is approaching!

anyway, it rained today
i had to bring the large umbrella out
i was late for class thanks to the rain and the bus.
it's FEM, i got A for my report, which was an absolute surprise
because i thought my report i wrote a lot of crap
surprisingly, it worked?!
then had intro L&R lecture
i was dozing off,
the atmosphere was way too good for sleeping

finally, went for Bobby Mileage's House workshop
i thought it was awesome, even though i struggled most of the time
i learnt new stuff and had fun!
there's a lot to house and i just wanna find out more
Although, the warm up was tiring and well house is a tiring dance
requires a lot of endurance
but, i think it's fun, the music is awesome and of course the dance
second time at an official house class i think i did pretty alright!
will keep working hard!
thanks Bobby!

what i remembered:
Loose legs, Train, Farmer, Dolphin dive, i don't know the names of the remaining.
shall find out soon

Where is home? Where is the place when i feel loved as a kid? What happen to all the love in this small family? I thought everything was getting better day by day. I thought we were getting by just fine. I thought by avoiding this little family would be pieced together again. Maybe all of us were just pretending, maybe everything wasn't fine and it was all a lie.

Just a little quarrel and a few shouts was all it takes to throw reality in my face. It hurts. That's all i can say, i thought it wouldn't matter to me. I thought it wouldn't hurt inside anymore, i thought i was numb to the pain. After what happened, i realise i do care because no matter what happens, we're still a family. Even though it's always about the same thing, cause the pain feels exactly the same, i'm still not numb to it. I really hate it.

Tears roll down my face everyday, every night in my own little room. I've never been like this before. All i feel is pain and everyday i just feel like ripping myself apart to stop it. I can feel my heart breaking,literally, but i don't know how to stop it from hurting. Part of me knows why things are like that, part of me is just trying to not think about it. I'm human too, not a robot. I can't believe in my own room i'm stopping myself from crying and I tell myself "i'm strong" but the fact is, i'm not. I pray every night just to make myself feel that everything is alright, i pray to God everyday saying "i hope everything is okay" when i don't even know if he hears me. When would this stop, really.

Listening to songs from my childhood, i remember the songs i use to lisen s a lullaby. I remember the memories in my previous house, all the little happy funny moments. I don't remember a sad memory. But now, it's like there isn't a single happy memory in this house of mine. Not a day would everyone be a home, most of the time it's only me. If not, my bro and my mum. This family is incomplete most of the time, well that's okay, but what's worst it that i feel it's falling apart. I can hardly find my way home. Not literally home, i know where my house is of course. But, the feel of belonging to one. Home is suppose to be filled with warmth, happiness and probably where you feel safest. But, home now to me, is somewhere lonely, somewhere empty, somewhere i'm afraid of showing my emotions. This is what home is to me now. and my family i can't even find words to describe what it is now.

Among all these pain, why can't i find a little spark that makes everything better?

i had nothing to do today
was home the whole day
watched finish Human Trafficking
and did pretty much nothing.
i'm becoming lazy.
found this thingy on K's blog
so just decided to copy from her
since i'm so bored.

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF

1. I wish i had a more unique english name
2. I don't comb my hair after taking a bath at night
3. I am a very indecisive person
4. I'm in two CCAs
5. I'm allergic to dust/ dust mites
6. I hate the smell of smoke
7. I'm pure chinese, not peranakan or mix-.-
8. I like singing to myself
9. I don't dress up nicely most of the time
10. I think a lot


NINE THINGS YOU’VE THOUGHT ABOUT RECENTLY

1. Shopping for clothes
2. Pixar Exhibition at Science Centre
3. Whether i'm in the right course
4. Dance and track
5. Family/ friends
6. Future boyfriend
7. What have i been as person
8. How should i plan out my day when there is so many clashes
9. The Past


EIGHT WAYS TO WIN YOUR HEART

1. Love/Like Me for who i am, not appearances
2. Don't smoke or drink
3. Be there for me
4. Share happiness or woes with me
5. Be honest
6. Make me laugh
7. Sincerity
8. Taller than me


SEVEN THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD DO.

1. Travel and see what's beyong Singapore
2. Spend more time with my family
3. Speak Koean and Japanese
4. Help all the less fortunate and make their lives better
5. Cook/Bake
6. Revamp my entire house
7. Run all my life


SIX THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP.

1. Yawn
2. Close my eyes
3. Pray
4. Switch off the lights
5. Fluff my pillow
6. Think about stuff


FIVE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO FIVE DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT.

1. Sometimes i think about you
2. I wish i can do something to change all of these
3. Catch up soon
4. I don't understand why everything is so different
5. I wanna go back to the past


FOUR THINGS YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW.

1. Thinking
2. This
3. Breathing
4. Blinking my eyes


THREE THINGS YOU’RE SCARED OF

1. Getting hurt
2. Paranormal
3. Being Alone


TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE

1. Travel the world
2. Meet someone special


ONE CONFESSION

1. I dream of people i do not know