Time. How can i grasp the fact that I have 3 days to decide my life for the next two years. I wished I had more time. Everyone hopes for immortality, to live and not to die. But sometimes I wish I didn't have to live, because if i lived in pain everyday then it had no meaning in life. All I ask for is make a decision between UNLV and Kaplan that I would not regret. It's a tough choice, I can't decide. I wished someone would decide for me. Maybe I should flip a coin, maybe I should make a list of pros and cons, maybe I should close my eyes and just point one. I don't know what I should do, where's the advice when i need one, where's the help that i needed. Parents that doesn't really listen to my dilemma and just leave me hanging. I chose where I wanna go and what I wanna do all my life, so it shouldn't be any different right? It shouldn't be that difficult right? Usually, I have more time. I don't know which is better, I don't know which school is more trustable because I don't trust any. Why must it be today that they call. I rather they said they reject me cause i've already given up hope after waiting for 3 months plus. Is this a test? It's a test I didn't sign up for. So much similarities, how can I decide? All I feel is this weight in my heart that I can't lift.

I failed myself, cause I didn't get where I aim to be. I guess hard work doesn't pay off all the time. It's like I'm not complaining, I just count myself unlucky. Now, I've got two universities accepting me into their school not because of my qualifications of sports, i'm just filling up the spaces cause I would be paying them money for school fees and stuff. Tell me, is education really everything. At the end of the day it's just pieces of paper with words written on it saying the level of education you have obtained. Sadly, in my logical brain, i know in this society, that piece of paper means everything. It gets you money, a job and a life without worries. I know I can't even afford to pay for university but, it's the only way I have to go.

Everyday I wake up, hoping things will be like how it was when I younger. Hoping the house would clean itself up. Hoping this house would be filled with love and warmth. Hoping things will change. Hoping I didn't have to wake up with a heavy heart. Hoping I could stay home and not worry about smoke that fills the air every night and afternoon. Hoping I could truly take a rest at home and not worry about anything. Hoping that I do not have to go out because I'm trying to escape from everything in the house. Hoping.. hoping things would get better.

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.”