I don't know what happened to me. Happiness seem so out of reach these days. Smiling is a chore, doing everything or the thought of doing something not because I want to, but cause I have to, makes me stress. I can feel the heaviness of my heart, the pain I feel somewhere deep down in my chest. I'm hurting. Really badly. I can just lie down all that, curled up, trying to take away the pain. After hours, knowing that the pain doesn't go away. I feel lost. Lost in this world. I'm physically here, mentally half existing here.

All I can say is that I'm trying. Trying to be happy, trying not to go crazy, trying to hold on what little I know that is part of me. I've changed and I know that, I feel it in my heart yet unable to grab hold of it and stop it from drifting away. I'm becoming weak, not knowing how to be strong anymore. I'm sorry to those who have to listen to me, to those who have to be there for me. I'm grateful, but sorry. I wish I could be stronger, I wish I wasn't sad anymore, I wish I'm not hurting, I wish I didn't feel pain, I wish I can be happy. Sound simple, but why is it so difficult for me to reach it.

What happened to me?