I don't know how to begin this post, don't know what I should say. I just feel the need to rant badly, I don't know about what, I just feel I need to.

Why does it always seem like whatever I do never seems to be good enough? Why do I always feel so lousy about myself? People say it's the heart that matters, but really is it? Or is the thing that matters is a pretty face? I just wanna do something in my life and for once not feel like I was never good enough. Is it too much to ask? I just want to stop worrying about every single shit in my life. Don't want to keep worrying about money, especially money but I can't. Thought after the education loan it's gonna feel better, but it feels worst than before. The bank is not even chasing me for the money yet, but I'm always thinking about it. Feeling this loan on the weight of my shoulder.

Ever feel like you wanna solve something, but its out of your control whether it can be solved or not? I'm trying to solve some screwed up system shit for school, but I can't do it cause it's not even my mess. I'm not even a staff. It's not that i'm not trying, no one is replying me, no one is helping me. So how do you want me to solve it, really? Helpless.

A lot of times, I just want to leave ya know? Just get out of here and not worry about a thing. Yes, I sound like a runner. But, I'm still here aren't I? I just don't wanna worry about all these things ya know. I'm 20, trying to live life normally. I'm trying to quit my job so that I can focus on my studies, but I realize I need the income so badly. I want to do things that i'm passionate about, but I can't anymore. I have the motivation, I have the heart ya know, I just don't know how to find time for it anymore. I'm just so tired of all these nonsense, everything is moving too fast for me to catch up.

Maybe someday it'll be better right?
Toodles.